The History of Howard Stern: Act III

The History of Howard Stern: Act III

Hottest Cougar Contest

KARRI, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #1 Howard welcomed Karri, the first Hottest Cougar contestant, to the studio and noted she was a divorced 42-year-old promotional model and mother of three. Karri told the crew she often ended up dating younger men, even if it wasn't what she was looking for: "When you're my age, it's either a younger guy or a really old guy with a potbelly." Howard couldn't figure out why anyone would divorce Karri, and she explained her ex-husband had an insatiable fetish for Asian women. When Karri showed the crew her best asset – her ass, Howard immediately demanded seconds: "Lemme see that ass again! It's marvelous. My god." Karri noted that one of her son's friends had also noticed her body: "He said, 'Do you run a lot?' And I said yeah. So he was like, 'Cause you got great legs.' And he's 15!" Howard laughed: "You're a freak of nature...and I mean that in the nicest way." Howard then ran Karri through the 'personality'/quiz portion of the competition: Have you ever slept with a black guy? "No." Name three ways you can tell someone's Jewish. "First it's the nose...[and] of course it's the holidays, [so] whether or not they're celebrating Christmas...third would be how the date goes. Where they take you and how much they spend." If forced to exterminate any race of people, which would it be? "Asians!" (which she blamed on her ex-husband). BJ, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #2 Howard then welcomed the second contestant, BJ, a 38-year-old bartender and mother of three – who denied that 'BJ' was a nickname: "I've been BJ since I was two." BJ said her husband entered her in the contest, as she doesn't consider herself a cougar: "It’s tough coming over to the cougar age." Appropriately, BJ went on to blow the 'personality' quiz: Describe your most embarrassing sexual experience. "Um..." What is your best talent? "I can chug a beer in like three seconds." What do you hate most about men? "Jealousy and, um, there's so many things about them. Wait – I don't mean that. I wait on them a lot." Do you secretly wish your husband's penis was bigger? "Well, sure." THERESA, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #3 Theresa, the final contestant, laughed that she was much older than the others – she's 50 – and even had breasts that were fully grown: "They're fake. They're 20-years-old though." Theresa said she listened to the show every day and loved everything but Richard Christy's bathing habits: "He needs to practice better hygiene, I think." Theresa didn't bomb but also didn't ace the 'personality' quiz: If forced to exterminate any race of people, which would it be? "Maybe the Turks because they've always invaded everybody over the years." What invention has been most beneficial to your life? "Probably birth control." What relative would you sacrifice if it meant world peace? "My brother, he’s older than me." THE STAFF PICKS THE HOTTEST COUGAR Fred voted for Karri: "She's a divorcee and she's very aggressive." Gary agreed: "I like Karri the best...once the pants came off it was like a whole different thing." Robin dissented: "I was mesmerized by BJ's abs." Howard registered the deciding vote for Karri: "She's dating younger men so she really fits the definition of a cougar." Karri then celebrated her Hottest Cougar title: "Gosh! I feel so complimented." Howard was also blown away by Claudia, the founder of the Hottest Cougar contest sponsor, who came in to present Karri with the giant check.

Snoop Dogg Pimps Howard's Wife ( Beth O )

Snoop Dogg stopped by to promote his new album, 'Malice In Wonderland,' and his new SiriusXM channel, Snoop Dogg Nation, on Sirius channel 40 and XM 67. Snoop told the crew his weed-free days were short-lived: "I stopped for about 120 days." Snoop said he was high right now ("Wake and bake.") and smoked anywhere between ten and a hundred joints/blunts a day, thanks to his medical marijuana card (migraines and blurred vision): "If they make it legal you better believe I'm gonna have a shop called Snoopy's and you can come and get some." Howard asked Snoop about attending Long Beach Polytechnic High School at the same time as Cameron Diaz, so Snoop laughed: "She went to a hood school...she was a cheerleader slash, uh...she was very well loved and received. She was cool with all the homies." Snoop said he's since given up on the lifestyle he lived back then: "I've renounced gang-banging...when you get to the age I'm at, you become a mentor...they all want to get to the place where they've 'made it' in life." Snoop answered Howard's questions on his Heathrow dust-up ("They don't let me in London no more. I've been banned...I think they're still living in the 1800s.") and how he relates to Tiger Woods: "You know what Howard? It's hard...me and my wife's relationship now is about respect." After the last answer, Robin asked: "Are you telling me that you just hide it now?" Snoop replied that he and his wife had simply reached "the level of respect where I just don't do it anymore." SNOOP PRICES BETH AT $10,000 After telling Howard he'd given up his harem of prostitutes ("I had to shut my operation down and pass it over to [Don] 'Magic' Juan."), Snoop left – and ran into Beth O on his way out. Howard wanted to know how much Snoop would've charged his Johns for a night with her. Snoop called back in with an answer: $10,000 a night. howardstern.com

50 Cent Talks to Howard Stern and Cries ?

DOES 50 KNOW THE ROLL CALL Howard bet Lisa G that 50 Cent would not know what the Roll Call was and Lisa almost sounded offended by the suggestion. But when Howard asked him, 50 had no idea what he was talking about, even when he added their original name, “The roll call with Ed, Lisa and Dre.” Howard then explained how it works and invited 50 to participate in Celebrity Roll Call. 50 Cent sounded confused by the whole thing and did not give one of his best rap performances but did say that, after hearing it, he did remember the Roll Call from back in the day. Howard kidded Lisa about how he had been right about 50 not knowing, but Lisa thought the fact that he said he did remember it after hearing them play it meant that Howard was wrong. As she continued to argue, Artie laughed that she sounded like she was really offended by the suggestion that 50 Cent didn’t know the Roll Call. 50 CENT CLEANS UP After finishing with the Roll Call, Howard asked 50 Cent if it was true that he had had his tattoos removed to make it easier to get movie roles. 50 said it was partially true, he had the tattoos on his arms removed because he used to have to go to the makeup trailer at 6AM to have them covered when he did movies that required them to be covered. Howard wondered if it was true that there are 18 bedrooms in the mansion 50 bought from Michael Tyson and 50 confirmed it. Robin wanted to know if had made love in each of them and 50 shot right back that he was saving one just for her. Howard had also heard that 50 sometimes caries as much as $25,000 in cash on him, and he said it was true, but when Howard asked him to empty his pockets, 50 said it was too early in the morning for him to be carrying cash. When Howard asked if he was ever afraid to carry that much cash around, 50 just laughed and claimed $25,000 was nothing when you consider that he sometimes wears a $300,000 watch. 50 CRIES ON COMMAND Howard read that 50 Cent was able to make himself cry on command and asked how he was able to do that as he had to use onions to make himself cry for a scene in “Private Parts.” 50 explained that he thinks about some pain memories of his childhood. Howard wondered if was talking about his father, but 50 revealed that he never knew his father and was referring to the time he moved into his grandparents house after his mother died when he was 8 years old. When Howard told 50 about how his own grandmother died when his mother was 9, 50 started crying – which amazed Howard. MAGNUMS FOR 50 CENT Howard read that 50 Cent had almost invested in a company that was developing a condom that helped guys last longer and 50 said it was true, but he didn’t end up investing because they were unable to make one. While on the subject, Howard asked if 50 used Magnum Condoms and he said he did, so Howard asked how long his penis was. 50 claimed he has never measured himself, but did say he loved how big it was and added: “I have a curve Robin.” howardstern.com I have a feeling that 50 cent knew the roll call but , did not want to freestyle ! HUmMMMMMMMM??? Why ?? thoughts

Kim & Khloe Kardashian visit the howard stern show

KIM AND KHLOE KARDASHIAN Kim and Khloe Kardashian stopped by to promote the upcoming fourth season of their E! reality series "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." Howard wondered what it was like to be reality show stars and they talked about how much they loved working with Ryan Seacrest to make the show. Howard asked Kim about her sex-tapes, but she would only say that no one likes when something like that happens. Howard wanted to know what it was like when their father, Robert Kardashian, was defending OJ. The girls explained that they knew the Simpsons before the murders and felt that their father really believed in OJ’s innocence. They said that something must have happened between OJ and their dad because they never saw OJ again after the trial. Howard wondered if their dad left their mom or if it was the other way around and Khloe said that it was their mom who left, adding that it was only five months later that she started dating her current husband, Bruce Jenner. Howard thought Bruce had gone a little too far with the plastic surgery and girls explained how he had fixed his nose in the final episode of the last season’s show. They also talked about how they really loved Bruce and how he was very considerate of their love for their father. THE KARDASHIAN GIRLS LOVE THE ATHLETES Howard asked Khloe about her new husband, Lamar Odom, who plays for the LA Lakers. Khloe explained how they met at a party and ended up hanging out all night – and then running into each other again the next day by chance. Howard wondered how long it took before they first slept together and Khloe revealed that it was 4 days. Khloe added that they got married exactly 30 days after they first met. Howard asked about the rumors that they weren’t really married and that they had a very detailed prenup that included giving Khloe things like $1,000 a month for hair and makeup and court-side season tickets to the Lakers. Khloe laughed and insisted that all the rumors were false. Howard then asked Kim about her relationship with New Orleans Saints’ running back, Reggie Bush. Kim confirmed they were dating but, unlike her sister, would not comment on the size of his penis as that kind of talk made her uncomfortable. Howard asked if she thought they would get married, but Kim explained she was married for 4 years when she was 19, so she was in no hurry this time around. Artie thought it was amazing that the two girls were involved with two of the top guys on two of the top teams in their sports. Khloe joked that they needed to hook their sister up with a NY Yankee, and Artie shot back – stay away from the Yankees. ONE’S OPEN, THE OTHER ISN’T When the girls started talking about the dietary supplement they’ve been promoting, one of them noted how it helped make her “regular,” prompting Howard to ask which of the two made the biggest doody. Kim seemed very embarrassed by the question, but not half as embarrassed as she was when Khloe claimed Kim took the biggest poops in the family as evidenced by the odor she left behind. Kim was mortified, and Khloe just laughed and said she was kidding, adding that she loved to f’ with her sister. A caller asked if the girls would get on the Sybian, and, while Howard didn’t bother to ask the girls if they would, he did ask if either a used vibrator when masturbating. Again, Kim wouldn’t answer, but Khloe happily admitted to doing so. Howard continued to push Kim, but she said she never talks about these kinds of things. Before they left, Khloe told Howard he should let Kim corn-row his hair and Artie offered to do black-face for a chance to date either sister. TUESDAY MORNING LIVE WITH KENAN THOMPSON Seven year “Saturday Night Live” veteran, Kenan Thompson, stopped by to say hello this morning and Howard noted that he was “one funny dude.” Howard apologized for running late with the Kardashians but Kenan said no problem as the girls seemed to be so into black guys. Howard asked about a recent Tiger Woods’ sketch Kenan had done and Kenan said they had gotten some heat from some activist groups about doing a sketch involving family violence when Rhianna was also on the same show – but ended up doing the bit anyway. Kenan noted that he had lost some weight recently, or he wouldn’t have been able to do the Tiger sketch – but not enough for him to play President Obama. Howard asked Kenan what it was like for a guy who had never done stand-up to go through the SNL audition which featured doing a stand-up set at a comedy club in front of people like Lorne Michaels and Tina Fey. Kenan said that it was tough and he had spent a while with his manager going over a routine but ended up mostly improvising a phone call between Rev. Al Sharpton and Governor Schwarzenegger. He said he was terrified and doesn’t really know what he said, but it must have been funny enough to get him the job. Howard asked Kenan if he thought participating in the writing process helped in getting air time on SNL. Kenan said it absolutely did, adding that he really enjoyed coming up with premises and then working with the writers to refine them into bits. EDDIE MURPHY-PHOBIA When asked if he had gotten to work with any of the SNL alumni, Kenan said that Dan Aykroyd visits the set a lot and is always cool and that he got to meet Dennis Miller recently. Robin asked if he’d gotten to meet Eddie Murphy yet, but Kenan said he hadn’t, adding that he’s kind of afraid to as Eddie is one of his idols and he doesn’t want the meeting to go wrong. Howard took some calls for Kenan and the first caller wanted to know if any SNL guests had ever given him “wood.” Kenan would only admit that he was attracted to Megan Fox and that Taylor Swift was also very good looking. Another caller wanted to know if the rumor was true that he had eaten his “Kenan & Kel” co-star, Kel Mitchell. Kenan just laughed and thanked the caller for boosting his self-esteem. AN UPDATE FROM JD Howard noted that JD had turned up so he invited him into the studio for an update. JD said he had to leave soon for his doctor’s appointment but told Howard that he had not gotten any sleep the night before and was having “stomach issues,” although he did take a dump this morning that helped. He said he did take the Zoloft that the clinic doctor had given him, but wasn’t sure if it was working or not. Howard was surprised by JD’s condition as he thought he was the last one around there to snap. JD acknowledged this, and added that he didn’t think he was having a breakdown, he was just having a hard time “sleeping and stuff.” Howard told JD that he shouldn’t worry about not sleeping, explaining that he would eventually fall asleep. Howard instructed JD to just lie in his bed and close his eyes and, even if he doesn’t sleep, he’d get some rest and then, after a couple of days he would eventually fall asleep. Robin noted that she suffered from insomnia for a while and was never able to sleep using Howard’s method. Howard asked if JD had tried jerking off and JD said he had not – so Howard added that to his prescription, to “get that stuff out of your system.” Howard added that JD’s fast-food prone diet was also probably something that needed to change as that kind of food was not good for health. Howard reminded JD that he loved him and advised him to come in tomorrow to work out a more comfortable work schedule to lessen his stress. JD announced that he had to leave so he wouldn’t be late for his doctor’s appointment and Howard offered to go with him if he thought that would help. JD declined the offer. IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWS Are you ready for 3D football? A hostess went crazy for DJ. Hulk Hogan is engaged? Diane Sawyer is almost done at GMA. There are a million stories about Tiger Woods. Tiger’s mother-in-law is in the hospital. Sarah Palin’s popularity is growing for some reason. Someone tried to peg Palin with tomatoes, but hit a cop instead. When should you talk about sex with your kids? Brad Pitt to play Vlad the Impaler. The FDA is investigating the radiation levels in brain scans. Social rats seem to suffer less cancer. An HIV-positive guy in New Zealand infected his wife with HIV so she’d have sex with him. Military families suffer from more stress. Senator Harry Reid put his foot in his mouth. Same sex marriage is almost legal in New Jersey. Sade has a new single. Matt Damon talks about working with Clint Eastwood. Mark Wahlberg is in “The Lovely Bones.” howardstern.com

Howard Stern's Roll Call

lisa g Shawnda was definitely a caller to the Ed, Lisa and Dre show on Hot 97. Howard seems to think its was pre-recorded, but Lisa G. insists its not. I used to listen to them back in the day. Certain parts were absolutely pre-recorded, but the callers were not. I love this shit. I loved it. Great fucking radio........ plus when that asshole called in and said he sent howard some soup can labels taped to a canvas and howard said it would end up in the trash that was fucking great. GO GET SIRIUS RADIO!!!

2009 Sirius XM commercial - Starring howard stern made Radio !

Great TV AD ! Your thoughts??

Medicated Pete's awful date with Dynah P.5 - 18 November 2009 - Howard Stern Show

Howard got Dynah on the phone and invited Medicated Pete into the studio so they could recap their date. Dynah sounded disappointed: "It was really tough." Howard asked Pete if he thought it went well, and Pete shrugged: "I thought so. Maybe I'm not seeing it properly. I kinda had reservations. I don't know. I can't--I can't really put my finger on it." Howard said he'd heard audio of the date and Pete's big mistake was not asking Dynah any questions: "You couldn't have been any less interested in her." Howard thought Pete should've at least asked about her schooling, and Dynah agreed: "It would've been great conversation." Pete confessed: "I was just so nervous...it didn't go well." Howard thought Pete could use a little practice, so he had him try to talk with Miss HowardTV, Reby Sky to get comfortable. Reby asked Pete about himself and he reported: "I'm a guy that likes to chill out, go look at uh-at uh sporting events and stuff." Pete then asked Reby: "You like to hang out and stuff?" Howard laughed that he needed to be more specific, so Pete tried again--but sounded too aggressive: "So what made you become a Giants chick? Why do you like the Giants?"

N.Y. Gaints Girl - Miss Howard TV November ( Reby Sky )

MISS HOWARD TV NOVEMBER: REBY SKY welcomed Miss HowardTV December to the studio and introduced her as Reby (short for Rebecca) Sky. Artie was smitten: "That's the hottest chick we've ever had up here." Howard noted that Reby was a lesbian, but Reby took issue: "I wouldn't call myself lesbian but I'm definitely bisexual." Howard disagreed, citing her committed, two-year relationship with another model as proof: "That's pretty lesbo." After learning she'd once been dumped by a 49-year-old dude, Howard wondered: "Why wouldn't he commit to you? You must be nuts." Reby admitted she had a screw loose: "I'm really jealous. That must've played a part in it." Robin was surprised: "She seems so sweet and normal here but she must be hell on wheels the second she walks out that door." howardstern.com

Medicated Pete Dating Game

THE MEDICATED PETE DATING SHOW Howard welcomed Medicated Pete to the studio and had him sit down next to the three Dating Show contestants: Dynah, Chris and Lila. Howard first addressed Dynah, asking if she was troubled by Pete’s tendency to shoot in his pants during strip club visits. Dynah shrugged: “It could be a little daunting, you know.” Dynah said she suffered from Friedreich’s Ataxia, a degenerative disease that’s left her in a wheelchair. Howard asked if she’d ever encountered anyone who had wheelchair fetish, and she nodded (“It kinda trips me out a little.”), explaining that pictures of herself get a lot of hits on the Internet – particularly the ones of her wearing flip-flops: “It’s the combination of the feet and the chair.” A WHEELCHAIR WON’T STOP HER Dynah claimed her disability didn’t hinder her in the bathroom: “Sometimes I might have trouble balancing in certain positions.” Howard then gave Pete an opportunity to ask a question – so Pete asked: “What’s your thinking about me so far?” Dynah replied: “You seem pretty cool…but you seem like you need to be coaxed out of your shell a little.” Pete was typically effusive: “Sounds good.” A BIG EX-CON WITH BIG BOOBS Chris, the second contestant, said she was an ex-con: “I got out July 3rd.” Howard observed that Chris was a large woman, leading Chris to explain: “I put on a lot of weight in jail. All they do is feed you carbs.” Howard thought she’d be perfect for Pete if he was a breast man, and Pete continued to break ground: “I actually am into breasts.” Chris said she was convicted for stealing funds from her employer: “I was in charge of the books and I had a big gambling problem…I would write checks to myself and put ‘em in – put ‘em in my account.” For his question, Pete asked what Riker’s Island was like, and Chris said it was “rough” but dorm-like: “Some of them were hostile toward me ‘cause – ‘cause I’m white.” Chris told the crew she like giving oral sex more than receiving it, prompting Artie to joke: “Pete, your dreamboat has docked.” Howard appreciated Chris’ perspective, saying he knew a lot of women who liked giving oral more than receiving: “Especially when I’m the one giving it.” AND FINALLY, MINI JENNY Howard then turned to the final contestant, Lila: “You look like Jenny McCarthy but you’re a ‘little person’ as they say.” Lila was surprised, claiming Howard was the first person to tell her that. Lila said she was excited to meet Pete, as she didn’t have sex very much – but had gotten lucky the other day: “Sunday was my birthday.” Lila went on to say she was very sexual: “I’m uninhibited. I’m very comfortable.” Howard wondered how a normal-sized man like Pete would match up with Lila in bed, so Lila admitted her vagina was in for it: “It’s little. Yeah. It’s just – the angles and stuff can be a little difficult...but I do like the feeling of a man on top of me.” AND THE ROSE GOES TO… Pete then announced: “Ladies and gentleman, I give the rose to Dynah!” Asked why he picked her, Pete explained: “I feel I have a connection with her.” Dynah felt the same way: “I’m really excited.” Howard laughed that Pete looked smitten, and Robin agreed: “They look really cute together Howard complained that Scott the Engineer's intern, Pete, was always in the hall staring at him when he left the studio. Pete came in to say he was just manning the daily recording of the show on CD a task that requires him to tend to machines stationed in the hall so Howard demanded the machines be moved. Jon Hein, whose desk is right behind the machines, appreciated the move, as Pete's Tourettes syndrome keeps him tapping on the walls: "It's like mice are running around. But he can't help it." While Pete was in-studio, Howard asked if he was well enough to show off his karaoke skills. Pete grabbed a mic and belted out a hilarious version of Purple Rain as Howard laughed: "He's turning pu...

Robin going to Guatemala ?

CHARITY OF THE VAGINA Howard learned that Robin was hosting an event for her painter friend and that half the proceeds would go to charity, leading everyone to speculate that Robin was banging the painter. Howard joked that the charity was really her vagina: "Isn't that that guy you hang around with?" Robin confirmed it was Brendan, a guy she let sit in for the news recently: "He's a friend of mine." Howard laughed: "I'll bet." NEXT STOP: GUATEMALA? Robin claimed the charity was very real--it funds girls schools in Central America--and added that she'd also be visiting Guatemala to survey an area she was working to improve: "I wanna see people that go through this." Howard was shocked Robin would put herself at risk and referenced her minutes-long trip to India: "You're gonna fly into Guatemala and you're gonna freak out." Robin shrugged off comparisons to her aborted Indian trip: "I was trying to have a regular vacation." Howard laughed at the idea of 'regular vacation,' and continued to speculate that there was more at work ("Are you in love with that guy?" and later, "Are you angling to adopt?") but Robin stonewalled him. Howard went on to attack the event's confusing invitation: "I couldn't tell what you were doing. I swear. It was very involved." howardstern.com

HOWARD TRASHES Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band "Waiting for D Train" 5 nov 2009 Jimmy Fallon Show

MEG GRIFFIN REVIEWS YOKO Howard got Meg Griffin on the line to review Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon's recent performance of “Waiting for the D Train” on the Jimmy Fallon show and asked for a straight answer: "Do you like that?" Meg was honest, saying it was noteworthy only because Yoko and Sean were the performers: "No...something like that, I might play for people for the same purpose that you just played it for me." Meg added that Howard might actually get along with Yoko, as they both love John Lennon, but Howard dismissed the idea – along with the notion of Yoko's talent. Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band "Waiting for D Train" live 5 nov 2009 Jimmy Fallon Show

Who will be your daddy ?

STERN SHOW SPERM BANK Will said he'd rather get a sperm donation from a family member than adopt: "I have a brother. I have uncles." Howard was horrified: "Don't do that. Go to a sperm bank and ask for the smartest good-looking guy...there's basic sibling rivalry...you don't want to be thinking that every time your brother comes over...you come to me before you decide anything. I mean privately." Howard again offered a semen sample, and Will considered it: "Lemme think about that. I'll get back to you." Howard cited JD as the staffer whose semen sample he'd personally be least-likely to use: "But you know what? I would take JD over Benjy. Because Benjy is disturbing. I'm worried about him." Howard also reconsidered taking JD before a couple others: "I would take JD before Sal or Richard? Am I crazy?" WHOSE BABY COULDN'T YOU RAISE? Howard eventually reversed position, with one complaint: "I think JD could be kind of a cool guy. There's just no way he's gonna get rid of that personality." Artie cited Richard as the last staffer he'd ask (besides himself): "Maybe it's just because I'm a city-slicker and arrogant." Howard couldn't decide: "Richard. Or maybe Sal. That's a tough one." Fred picked Jason, citing his looks: "It's not that he's ugly. It's the overweight issue. It's the excessive hair." Jason came in to agree with Fred, citing his hirsute physique – even stripping off his shirt to show the crew his hairy back. Fred was disgusted: "It's like a sweater." Howard noticed that Jason had a little pattern baldness on his back, so Jason explained that it had never grown back after his first back-waxing treatment. Howard then pointed to the bald spot on Jason's head: "They should take the hair off your back and put it on your head." howardstern.com

Howard Stern Talks to Medicated Pete about Karaoke & Dating women !

MEDICATED PETE’S KARAOKE PROWESS MEDICATED PETE IS A KARAOKE STAR Steve Langford reported that Mediated/Tourette's Pete (earlier in the show, frequent caller Johnboy, complained about Pete’s moniker and Howard changed it to Medicated Pete) was a karaoke king, so Pete came in to explain: "When I get onstage, I'm more comfortable than when I'm in a crowd of people." Pete added that he was recovering from laryngitis but promised to wow the crew with his rendition of “Purple Rain” when he was better. KARAOKE: HOWARD VS. MEDICATED PETE While Pete was in-studio, Howard asked if he was well enough to show off his karaoke skills. Pete grabbed a mic and belted out a hilarious version of “Purple Rain” as Howard laughed: "He's turning purple! Sing it!" To be fair, Howard tried to prove he was better, but Fred determined that Howard had lost: "I think you had some timing issues. Your vocal was actually pretty good but your timing was off. That threw you." DINA, MEDICATED PETE'S CRIPPLED CRUSH Howard got Dina, another listener who wanted to date Medicated Pete, on the line and told her Pete was starting to seem more relaxed on the air and around the office. Pete came in to say he had a new attitude: "You're correct...I'm getting more confident." Artie checked him: "If you're not careful, you're gonna become an asshole." Howard asked Dina why she was in a wheelchair, so she explained that she had Friedreich's ataxia, a neurological condition that affects her balance. Dina added that she'd last gotten laid "earlier this year" and was actually quite athletic – despite not being able to use her legs: "I row. I rock climb." Pete said he'd love to meet Dina but refused another suggestion – that he not take his meds for a day: "I spaz out completely – completely off the charts." ONCE MORE WITH A FELONY CONVICTION Howard also took another call from a woman who wanted to date Pete and learned she had a felony conviction. She said she'd recently done 8 months in jail for Grand Larceny: "I took some money from my former employer." She explained that she'd worked as an office manager for an engineering firm and – due in part to a gambling problem – “borrowed” about $8,000: "I actually planned on paying it back slowly but I was caught before that happened." She claimed she hadn't gotten laid since her release from Rikers: "I wanna date Pete so bad, Howard! He seems honest, adorable and cute." Robin laughed: "Funny that you're into honesty." Howard pressed further, asking how Pete could be sure she wouldn't scam him, so she replied: "8 months on Rikers Island rehabilitates you." howardstern.com

Miss Howard TV - November 2009

INTRODUCING NOVEMBER’S MISS HOWARD TV PAULINA SHERWOOD, MISS HOWARDTV NOVEMBER Howard welcomed Paulina Sherwood, November’s Miss HowardTV, to the studio and asked if Tourettes Pete had asked her out in the hall. Paulina said Pete had: "You never know what might happen. Howard laughed: "That's sounds like a no." Robin agreed: "I think we do know what might happen." Howard then asked if she was part Mexican, and she shrugged: "No. Maybe I look Mexican because I'm tan." Paulina said she'd never had an orgasm, despite having sex with at least 5 different guys over the last three years: "I feel something but it's not what people say it is." Benjy also tried his hand at asking Paulina out, promising he'd be the one to finally bring her to climax – and she actually said yes. Despite handing her number over to Benjy, Paulina reserved some doubt about his tongue skills: "You know what? Every guy says that." [Greenroom photos by Doug Goodstein] A CREEPY SYBIAN RIDE Ronnie the Limo Driver came in to speed things up: "She must be dead inside. And the other thing is – when are you gonna take that sweatshirt off?" Howard directed Paulina to the Sybian, but she resisted: "I dunno. It's kinda creepy." Paulina's dad, John, came in to inspect the Sybian: "I'm alright with this. This is not a big deal." Howard then told John to leave: "She's never gonna have an orgasm when you're here." Paulina then jumped on the Sybian (which didn't do the trick) and was distressed by Gary's beekeeper mask ("That's creepy.") but when he took it off, she insisted he put it back on: "No-no, you're right. Keep it on!" howardstern.com

Artie calls out again ??

GEORGE IS IN, ARTIE IS OUT Howard started off the show welcoming George Takei to the studio and noting that Artie was out today, as he's been – oddly enough – 4 of the 10 weeks George has sat in as the show's announcer: "We were out Friday and Monday. It's fine, but...I've tried to figure out whether Artie's on drugs or not because I'm always wrong." Howard later asked the crew if they thought Artie was sick or back on drugs. George gave Artie the benefit of the doubt: "I think health-wise he's very fragile." Fred disagreed, but only in the hopes he was proved wrong as he has in the past: "He's on the sauce again." Robin was also skeptical: "I want him to be sick but I don't think he is." Benjy speculated: "But that might mean he was using before and got off again." Jon Hein was generous: "I think he's exhausted and therefore sick." Howard said he was sick himself – of betting in favor of Artie's sobriety and being repeatedly proved wrong. STAFF TRAVELS George said he'd only be in today and tomorrow, as he would be speaking at Drexel University in Philadelphia on Wednesday about his childhood. George added that Brad was traveling with him, as he usually does, unless George is headed somewhere freaky, like Romania. Howard thought Brad wouldn't like Vegas, as posters advertising Scott the Engineer's upcoming DJ gig at Club Pure were plastered all over Caesar's Palace. Scott came in to laugh: "I'm surprised I didn't scare people away." BETH O IS BACK HOME Howard reported that Beth O was back home after being away taping her role as a judge on ABC's “True Beauty,” explaining that the show took 8 men and 8 women and told them they were competing in a beauty pageant to be the face of Las Vegas. The twist was that they're judged on their inner beauty. Beth O got in Saturday afternoon: "You would've thought the two of us never saw each other...we had this whole big reunion. It was sexual, of course." Howard said the sex was bizarrely passionate: "We hadn't seen each other in a while so it was filled with massive neediness." ERIC THE MIDGET STALKS BETH Eric the Midget called in to say he saw Beth O at a Criss Angel show in Las Vegas over the weekend. Howard confirmed Beth's presence at the show and asked what Eric had done besides stalk his wife. Eric said he'd also "checked out the different hotels and played the slot machines a little bit." Eric did say that he wanted to go say hi to Beth but his parents didn’t want him to because they were afraid she’d be mean to him. howardstern.com

Howard is a Sucker

HOWARD IS A SUCKER Howard learned that Rich, Sal's “financial advisor,” and Richard Christy had thrown a comped surprise party at Rick's Cabaret for Sal's birthday. The news infuriated Howard: "It's over for you....what you're doing is cashing in on my relationship." Howard added that Lonnie, the head of promotions at Rick's Cabaret, was too loyal to the show to say no: "Stop taking advantage of the guy." Howard was particularly pissed at Rich: "I don't even know you...It stops now." As the discussion continued, Howard only got angrier: "Say it to my face! Howard's a sucker! Say it! Please say, 'Howard's a f’ing sucker!'" Richard eventually gave in with a deflated: "Howard's a sucker" and turned to Sal: "Just get it over with." Sal muttered: "Howard's a sucker." Howard was pleased: "Thank you! Now I know what I am."

Bai Ling Visits Howard

BAI LING ISN’T REALLY CRAZY Bai Ling stopped by to promote her new film, “A Beautiful Life,” wearing an outfit she described as an homage to Howard, while Robin called it, "the weirdest she's ever been [dressed]." Howard said Bai Ling always went for an interesting Lady Gaga-esque look, but Bai disagreed: "She's learning from me." Bai then told the crew she got her start in Asia (where she was first a soldier in the Chinese army) and is now an "international star." Howard asked about Bai's infamously large nipples, but Bai wouldn't really answer: "You seen me nipple magazines." Bai revealed she was once hospitalized with mental issues: "I've been to many hospitals...I said, 'Nurse, you cannot stand. I am an actress.'" Howard asked who committed her, and Bai confessed: "I think partially it's myself...I was kind of depressed. I'm not sure. I was kind of-a lost." Uninterested, Howard pushed for Bai to start removing a few of the layers she'd worn into the studio – Bai happily stripped (some of) them away. DON'T HIDE THE NIPPLES, HOWARD Bai claimed she stayed in shape by dancing, so Howard asked her to demonstrate – Bai obliged to the tune of the Black Eyed Peas' “Boom Boom Pow,” yelling: "Woo! I'm having fun in your studio! You should all join me! Dance!" When she was done, Howard asked about her relationship with Lionel Richie, but Bai dodged the question: "I'm still like breathing from my dancing. We're friends. I respect him as an artist." Bai went on to say she was the best actress in the world: "Yes I am. I'm one of them." She cited Johnny Depp as one of her contemporaries at the top: "He does it for his own love for the craft of art." Bai then asked to see a picture of Beth – and thought she was hot – but was unimpressed with Beth's outfit: "I don't see her nipples. What's wrong? Where are nipples? Where you hide them?" Howard promised to show Bai a picture of Beth's nipples later. BAI LING SAYS GOODBYE saying goodbye ("It's my honor and pleasure to have talk and fun."), Bai reported she was drug and alcohol free: "I'm naturally high...if I want alcohol drug I can use myself.

Howard stern on Lettermann and Interns !

HOWARD ON THE LETTERMAN SCANDAL Howard said everyone wanted to know what he thought of the Letterman scandal. Robin saw Dave in a new light, calling him a "sexy guy." Howard noted that Beth was never approached by Dave – or anyone else, for that matter – during her tenure as one of the Late Show presenters: "It was a great experience for her." Howard added Letterman's prude attitude was the first clue: "It's always the uptight people that are into weird shit." Howard thought Dave should've apologized to his wife during his public statement. Robin agreed – but Artie could've cared less: "I'm just glad he isn't gay." Howard laughed that he loved Dave, but he should've turned to Ashley Madison if he needed new pussy: "Dave knows better than to do something like this." Robin joked: "They're calling it the Bed Sullivan Theater now." Howard noted that he has always maintained a “no sex with interns” rule for himself and for those who work for him as he never wants anyone to feel that you can get ahead by “sucking off the boss.” howarstern.com

Miss Howard TV - Dominique Pictures

Miss Howard TV - Dominique MISS HOWARDTV OCTOBER Howard welcomed Dominique DiCaprio, Miss HowardTV October, to the studio and reported that her breasts were real. Dominique said she was a dance teacher who couldn't keep a man – even though she would greet her boyfriends naked when they got home from work: "[They] say, 'I've got to go to the gym.'" Artie thought there was only one true get-out-of-sex excuse: "I'm busy being gay." Dominique said she was into some really freaky sex, like “golden showers” (only in the shower though) and anal sex: "But only with a boyfriend...I have to make them do it sometimes." She's also in to girls (although, to date, she hasn’t gone past making out with them): "Girls that look like Kim Kardashian or something. Girls that look like me." Howard was impressed – he couldn't figure out why any guy would leave Dominique. Dominique couldn't either, saying she just wanted to be her guy's "personal sex kitten." THE CREW SEEKS THE TRUTH Mike Gange came in insisting Dominique's boobs were fake: "They're too big to be real and they didn’t bounce right." To vindicate herself, Dominique let Gange “test” her rack, and he laughed: "There's so an implant right here!" Ronnie the Limo Driver then came in to add his expert advice – and thought Gange was full of shit: "They're real. There's no bag there, Gange." Will then came in to offer his opinion: "I feel something in there. I'm not sure what it is." Scott DePace settled it though when his thorough examination revealed that one breast was larger than the other – therefore they must be real. Dominique told the crew she loved to be choked during sex: "To the point where I [once] almost blacked out. I think I turned purple." But even freakier was her desire to use a strap-on on a dude: "I actually wanna give it to a guy." Artie was not interested: "You're in the wrong room, sweetie." Howard was blown way: "You really are Miss HowardTV." Artie thought another “test” was in order: "Some of those guys in the back don't think you're vagina's real." Pics from howard stern.com

Up Close and Personal with Beetlejuice

Beetlejuice Rap "i don't know, i don't know"

HEY nOW !

The Worlds strongest naked woman compete on the howard stern show

THE WORLD'S STRONGEST NAKED WOMAN Howard welcomed Anju, Sarah and Jade – the contestants for The World's Strongest Naked Woman contest – and celebrated their lack of attire: "Whoa! You're hot! And naked!" Sarah told Howard that both she and Anju had also been contestant's on Vh1's “My Antonio,” but weren't able to get along because Anju was "too ghetto." Anju bristled: "You don't know Howard. She wants to see ghetto? I'll show you ghetto, bitch." Sarah just kept giggling. Howard asked the third contestant, Jade, to stand between the other two and pick a side. Jade pointed to Anju: "At least she makes a point. Sarah just giggled." Anju said she worked as a dominatrix, laughing that a lawyer once paid her to watch him shove kosher hotdogs up his ass. Jade said she also used to work as a dominatrix, until a client became obsessed with her, shot and killed her boyfriend, kidnapped her, and ended up killing himself. Howard asked how she survived the ordeal, and Jade shrugged: "I just said, 'Do it. I don't care.'" ...WAS ONCE A PH.D CANDIDATE Howard was impressed with Jade, noting that she was pursuing her Ph.D in engineering at the University of Pennsylvania – until she quit to work in the adult industry: "You're a brilliant girl, aren't you? Jade replied: "Yes but I have other interests." Howard then had the girls do push-ups to test their strength. Anju did 3 and Jade did 10. Sarah couldn't do any. In the next round, Jade and Anju were both able to do two pull-up while Sarah came up empty again. Howard then announced that Jade Vixen was now the World’s Strongest Naked Woman.

howardstern.com

Howard Stern - Bob Levy Can't Say Apocalyptic

Quentin Tarantino visits howard stern

QUENTIN TARANTINO IS NOT YOUR FRIEND Quentin Tarantino stopped by to promote “Inglourious Basterds” and immediately had to answer for some of his confusing casting decisions. Quentin said he always had his reasons choosing some actors but didn't befriend them all: "I'm very immature about that kind of a thing...you get close but you only see each other every couple of years. We don't go out and meet at the corner bar or anything like that." QUENTIN'S SEXUAL RESUME Quentin refused to confirm or deny that he'd slept with Uma Thurman: "I'm not going to talk about stuff like that." He did admit to making out with Kathy Griffin. Quentin also admitted to banging Margaret Cho, calling her "pretty crazy" and laughing that she wasn't the best sex he'd ever had. HANGING WITH THE PITT-JOLIES Howard commended Brad Pitt's performance in “Inglourious Basterds” ("He's actually a great actor.") and asked how much Quentin paid him. Quentin wasn't specific, saying "something like $9 million." Quentin added that he met all of the Pitt-Jolie kids and thought they were very sweet: "It was kind of cool." The pair had one disagreement, over the ending of the film: "I went one way with it and history goes another way with it." Howard asked Quentin had seen any maids or nannies when he was visiting Brad and Angelina's home in France, as they claim not to employ any, but Quentin dodged: "They do have friends that help them out." GOING OUT LIKE A BAD ASS Quentin said he planned to retire from directing films at 60: "That'd be a good time to get into just writing and raising a family." Howard asked if he planned to go out like David Carradine, and Quentin said he wasn't sure auto-erotic asphyxiation was what killed David: "But for the sake of conversation, I think that's f’ing bad ass. He went out great as far as I'm concerned." Quentin added that David lived 5 different lives: "He was a wild dude howardstern.com

Listen to Sal , On how to Ruin a Party on The howard Stern Show

Sal Fucks up a birthday party & his sex life also !

SAL RUINS A BIRTHDAY PARTY, OWN SEX LIFE Sal's friend Ian called in to complain that Sal had ruined his wife's recent birthday party, explain “Guess What's In My Pouch,” went off on an anti-Semitic rant, asked a Latino woman to score him drugs, insulted the guest of honor and drew jiz all over her birthday portrait. Sal later crashed at Ian's house and hid bananas everywhere--even stuffing them down the toilets. Sal said he called Ian the next day to apologize for the one thing he remembered--insulting Ian's sister--and learned about everything else he'd done: "I hadn't really been drinking in 3 months...I blacked out." Sal added that his wife was so upset by the evening, she won't have sex with him anymore--when he tried to bang her the next day, she held up her hand, telling him: "Go away. Don't analyze it, Mr. Shrink. Just take it for what it is." “ALL MY LOADS ARE HORRIBLE. ASK MY WIFE.” Sal was proud of drunkenly defacing the birthday girl's portrait: "I drew an arrow to her crotch saying, 'Wish I was here.'" Fred was positive: "At least that's a compliment." Asked to demonstrate his jiz-tagging skills, Sal whipped out a marker and drew a splotch on a photo of a woman's face. Howard and Artie thought the results were terrible. Sal shrugged: "All my loads are horrible. Ask my wife." SPIDER HARRISON WANTS TO TALK ABOUT PEE Sirius XM DJ, Spider Harrison stopped by to promote the work he does over at Sirius Hits 1 and tell a few stories from his long radio career. Howard asked what separated him from Casey Kasem, so Spider cited Casey's trademark teases. He added that because Sirius XM's music stations are commercial-free--and, even better, uncensored: "It's more fun to talk about Kelly Clarkson peeing in the shower." Howard then wondered if Spider's deep voice translated to his genitals: "Are your balls bigger than two oranges?" Spider affirmed Howard’s assumption, noting that his wife had cautioned him to just tell the truth when he went on Howard’s show.

howardstern.com

George test my balls ?

GEORGE & THE CREW PLAY GUESS THE TESTICLES Howard started off the show with a game called, Guess the Testicle, in which Richard, Sal and Benjy all step behind a curtain and shove one of their balls through a hole. The crew would then try to match each sack with its owner. As the guys got ready, George laughed: "Let me put my glasses on." Howard noted that #2 had the biggest balls and #1 the smallest. Robin was repulsed by the sight: "Oh my god!" George guessed that sack #1 was Richard, #3 was Benjy and #2 was Sal. Robin agreed that Richard had to be #1, but thought Benjy was #2. Artie sided with Robin, referencing The Gossip Game: "The fake story is...I'm enjoying this." Howard struggled, finally guessing the order went Benjy, Richard and then Sal: "I've seen their dicks so often, I thought it'd be a no-brainer." The guys then stepped out to reveal themselves: #1 was Richard. #2 was Benjy. #3, of course, was Sal. Later George complained: "I would've preferred to have seen the whole thing."

Howardstern.com

Miss UNIVERSE VISITS hOWARD sTERN

MISS UNIVERSE MAKES SENSE Miss Universe 2008, Dayana Mendoza, stopped by to promote the upcoming Miss Universe 2009 pageant and complained how she only seems to get hit on by older men. Dayana added that she's been modeling since she was 15 years old but appreciated the pageant circuit more than the fashion world, as it involves more charity work. Howard asked Dayana about going to pageant school, so she explained: "They teach how to walk and answer questions. A little bit of everything." Dayana told the crew she was kidnapped at the age of 19: "It's something that happens in Venezuela if you're out after 8pm." Dayana didn't come from a wealthy family, so the kidnappers simply took the $5 in her pocket and dropped her off in the middle of the highway - and gave her $10 for a cab ride home, as it was a dangerous area. Howard loved it: "You actually cost the kidnappers $5!" WHAT WOULD MISS UNIVERSE DO? Kiss another girl? "I cannot say no...but I'm not into it. Maybe I could turn lesbian in a month." From Ham Hands Bill: drink "milk from the penis"? "I've never done that...do you have to swallow to say I love you?" Vote against gay marriage (like the former Miss California, Carrie Prejean)? "I have gay friends very close and I love to see them happy...you do with your life whatever you want...why not?" Dayana also revealed that she regularly moves her bowels three times a day and has been known to push out a floater the size of a Poland Spring bottle every once in a while

HOWARDSTERN.COM

Robin"s D cup Vs G Cups !

GOODBYE DD’S, HELLO G’S Robin started off the show with a startling revelation about her breasts - she was sized by a professional recently and learned she was much larger than previously estimated: "I always thought I was a 36DD...she said, 'You're a G or an F.'" Howard wondered how Robin could have G-cups when she'd had breast reduction surgery, and Robin agreed: "Good lord knows. They must have been an X [before]." Ass Napkin Ed then called in to ask if Robin would send him some of her old bra’s. Robin said “No chance,” as she figured he’d either do some depraved act with them or sell them on Ebay – or both. HOWARD'S HIRING BETH'S REPLACEMENT Howard noted that Beth might be taking a job that requires her to be away for a month and he wasn't happy about it. Robin told Howard to calm down, but Howard ignored her, offering a job to any female listener who might want to come live with him - and take care of (all of) his needs: "I need someone to take care of me. I'm avoiding my thoughts." Howard later speculated that Mary McCormack might want the job as she was so good at playing his wife in “Private Parts.” VINNIE FAVALE HAS A DREAM Howard mentioned Paul McCartney's 7-song performance outside the Ed Sullivan Theater yesterday, so Gary came in to say he was disappointed, as he recently paid $1160 for four tickets to Paul's concert at Citi Field. CBS Vice President of Late Night Television (East Coast), Vinnie Favale, called in to apologize for not telling the crew in advance: "I couldn't tell anyone. If too many people came, it would've been shut down." Howard learned that Vinnie has poured a significant amount of his own money into a musical he'd written for Broadway and laughed that Vinnie must be delusional. Vinnie promised: "You'll see it on Broadway one day." Howard said Vinnie's wife (“Debbie, ohhh Debbie”) must be cursing to herself: "That f’ing fat motherf’er is spending our nest egg on this stupid idea." Vinnie said the project was born on his commute: "I do some of my best writing on the bus." Howard laughed: "So the bus is responsible." ROBIN'S NEW ASSISTANT Lisa G reported that Robin had a new assistant named Dennis. Howard explained that Dennis was actually 'Captain' Dennis - the guy usually charged with caring for Robin's yacht. Robin said she hoped Dennis would always be her captain - even if he doesn't work out as her assistant: "I told him he can never leave me as a captain no matter what happens here." Fred put the over/under of Dennis' tenure at November. Howard put $100 on the under and Artie put $100 on the over. The bet will be settled December 1st. TOM ARNOLD MIGHT BE A DISASTER Tom Arnold stopped by to promote his return to stand-up (he's at Caroline's in NYC all weekend long) and told the crew he was addicted to the free Klondike bars they had at Sirius. Tom noted that he recently spoke at the funeral for his late friend (and Stern show favorite) Ed McMahon: "I could never get him to badmouth anybody. Even Hitler." Howard asked if Tom was really thinking of getting married again, and Tom confirmed it: "It will be [marriage] number 4. I'll say this - I'm either a disaster or real good at it." Prompted by Howard, Tom recounted some stories of his life with Roseanne Barr: "She's crazy. That's what she is. She's out of her f’ing mind...when she talks about politics, she sounds mentally ill." Tom laughed that Roseanne was once so hopped up on anesthesia from a facelift that she tried to personally end the LA riots: "I said no to her a lot. That was my job." Tom also showed Howard the scar he got when Roseanne stabbed him, explaining that she was once contracted to lose weight, so he took away her candy bars. She responded by shanking him.

howardstern.com

MISS HOWARD STERN IS RECOVERING & Sal & Richard new prank !

MISS HOWARD STERN IS RECOVERING Howard played a voicemail from Miss Howard Stern who was recently injured in a car accident, but it was unintelligible. Andrea's sister, Brandi, called in to report that Andrea was recovering well: "She's ok. She's doing a lot better than expected." Howard explained that Andrea was on her way home late one night when she slammed her convertible into a telephone pole at 60mph and was ejected from the car, landing on her head - Andrea now has a steel plate in her skull. Brandi said Andrea didn't have all her memory back yet: "I think you can probably speak with her pretty soon. She's doing pretty good. She's home now." Howard asked if Andrea lost any intelligence, and Brandi laughed: "I don't know yet." Robin was shocked: "That's amazing. To be ejected from a car and survive like that? Sal inserted a microphone into his penis' pouch and slid it into the holder atop a microphone stand, reporting: "It feels good. It's the first time my penis has been in anything in years. It feels good to be in a canal of some sort." Richard then sang 'Old Macdonald' into Sal's penis until having to retreat after Sal tried to force his head closer: "Sal's the gay one for doing that." Richard agreed to sing another song but demanded that Sal stay still: "Every time he dances, his cock goes into my mouth a little bit." After the first line of 'Here Comes the Sun,' Will shoved Richard so his mouth smacked into Sal's cock and the studio exploded with laughter. Richard could be heard spitting on the studio floor as Artie enthused: "It was like a prison rape!" Richard tried to play it down: "It touched my top lip, actually. And my bottom lip...[Sal]'s the gay one. He keeps knocking his dick into my mouth." howardstern.com

Comedian Artie Lange charged with DWI in Toms River ?

TOMS RIVER — Bad boy radio personality Artie Lange was charged with driving under the influence of an intoxicant and with careless driving today after police responded to a minor traffic accident. triggerAd(1,PaginationPage,10); A police detective discovered Lange at the scene of a minor motor vehicle collision at Silver Bay and Brand avenues, reported at about 1:30 a.m., said Capt. Steve Henry. Lange, 41, scheduled to appear at the Ocean County Library here Saturday night, was charged with driving under the influence by Patrolman Brian Jarka based on an assessment done at the police station, Henry said. "There was no indication that he was under the influence of illicit drugs," Henry said. But he was under the influence according to the psychological and physical assessment, Henry said. A laboratory sample was taken to substantiate the assessment, Henry said. Detective John Bajcic was driving in the Silverton section when he came up to the minor accident and stopped to investigate. "Mr. Lange was 100 percent cooperative," Henry said. Patrolman Gary Flynn responded to the reported crash and Lange was taken to police headquarters. Lange is scheduled to appear at the main branch of the Ocean County Library 7 p.m. Saturday to discuss his New York Times best-seller, "Too Fat to Fish." A former star of the television show "MADtv," Lange also has appeared in the movies "Dirty Work," 'Elf," 'Old School" and "Beer League," which he also co-wrote and produced.

Artie Lang Arrested for DUI in Toms River NJ?? ( Car Accident )

Fans of 'The Howard Stern Show' know all about Artie Lange's ongoing tales of his battle with substance abuse. It appears there's another chapter to the story. According to TMZ, Lange was arrested on suspicion of DUI Friday in New Jersey. Law enforcement sources told TMZ the comic was arrested in Toms River after he got in a car accident. Lange and the rest of the Stern crew have been on vacation for the past two weeks -- their typical July break -- but heading into the break, Lange appeared to be on a winning The comic had claimed to be off heroin for months and said he was having success with a sponsor who was following him around on the road. Lange had also begun to lose weight after flirting with nearly 300 lbs. on the scale. Lange's breakout success on the Stern show is due in great part to his candid storytelling, opening up to listeners about his ongoing struggle with addiction. He took many of his legendary tales of abuse and put them into his first book, 'Too Fat To Fish,' which became an instant New York Times best-seller. Lange has mentioned on the air several times that Dr. Drew Pinsky was jumping at the chance to get Lange onto VH1's 'Celebrity Rehab' show.

New Replacement for micheal Jackson tour - Just Beet it! ... Beetlejuice (Howard Stern Show)