MR. & MRS. RILEY MARTIN

MR. & MRS. RILEY MARTIN

RILEY MARTIN AND HIS WIFE JOY
Riley Martin stopped by to promote the Kindle release of his book, “The Coming of Tan,” with his wife, Joy. Howard was clearly taken with her: “I would make beautiful love to you. Are you 100% human or are you from an alien planet?” Riley laughed it was no struggle to land such an interstellar beauty: “Miraculous things happen when you mess with the space cowboy.” Joy said she actually sought out Riley: “I pursued him.” She was attracted to their shared belief in alien life: “I did [believe]. I always did as a child.”

Joy said she first heard Riley’s voice while staring into a bright light: “I was in a tanning bed in Pennsylvania. And the person before me had the show on...I heard his voice and immediately [had to meet him].” She fell hard immediately--when Riley greeted her with a hug: “It was a feeling like I’ve always known him. And it was the most powerful feeling that I’ve ever felt in my life.” Howard asked for one of said intergalactic hugs, and Riley jumped at the chance: “I’ve got to lift your wallet, you cheap bastard.”

TWO TIMES VERY LITTLE IS STILL LITTLE
Riley was sure his connection with Joy was genuine: “With what you are paying me, it was not for my money, Howard, you cheap bastard.” Riley said they have sex several times a week--a frequency that surprises many of the young men he meets: “One of the young men was saying, ‘You keep going up there 4 or 5 times a week, that could lead to a heart attack.’ And I said, ‘If she dies, she dies.’”

Joy clarified that “up there” referred to their separate living arrangement: “The first place that we lived in had really bad energy.” Robin thought she knew why: “Riley was there!” Riley cited Joy’s pets--Joy lives with 12 domesticated birds--and Joy nodded, admitting they didn’t make for a peaceful symbol-drawing environment: “My birds and I need our own space. They scream a lot.” Asked if he was packing, Riley bristled: “Take what you have and double it.” Howard laughed: “That’s not a lot.”

by  howardstern.com

Buy Riley Martin book The Coming of Tan: Millennium Edition from kindle

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Originally written in 1990, The Coming of Tan is an incredible account of the many things learned and experienced by a poor sharecropper’s kid who took his first trip to the Biaviian mothership in 1953. Riley's second trip was when he was 18. It was on this trip that they placed a strange looking headset on him. Then, in a matter of seconds, they downloaded beautiful symbols by the thousands into his brain. While Riley slept, they downloaded the history of humanity, alien wisdom, and a massive amount of knowledge into his memory. Riley made friends with these aliens and shares his many conversations and experiences throughout this book. This new edition includes Riley’s further insights and comments on some of the things that have come to pass since the first publication of this book. In his own words, Riley shares the aliens’ message, which is one that we should all take a responsibility for: Save this Planet.


“The impression that one gets from the Biaviians ranges from the comical (in appearance) to the lovable. However, when you learn about the potential magnitude of their power, coupled with the deductive scope of their reasoning, you are given cause, on occasion, for apprehension. This is because they do not respond in the expected manner to human rhetoric; it is sometimes easy to momentarily think of them as misguided munchkins, but then you are jerked back to reality when they suddenly zap you with something about yourself that even you may not have been consciously aware of.”

DAVID ARQUETTE IS LATE to the howard stern show & Riley Martin talks money

CELEBRITY INTERN DAVID ARQUETTE RETURNS




DAVID ARQUETTE IS LATE





David Arquette showed up--a day late--and explained his absence yesterday as the start of a 2-day bender: "I drank last night [too]. I still might have some [laughs]...maybe a little remnants." David said he'd crashed a rooftop poker game Tuesday night ("That's the truth.") and quickly blew his $20 buy-in. Howard complained that one of the guys David met at the poker game had shown up on Wednesday--David invited him--but David did not: "All of a sudden this cat is hanging out in my greenroom [and] blogging about it."



Howard also complained that he'd been talking to (and 'vibing' with) Courteney at Jimmy Kimmel's party--until David cut in. David laughed: "I did. I shut that shit down...she loved you. She wanted to get to know you more. She wanted to hang out more." Howard speculated that Courteney had once slept with one of the party's other guests--John Stamos--and David admitted that it could've happened: "Everything he touches turns to pussy."


DAVID ON HIS SISTER 'ALEXIS'


Howard asked if Alexis Arquette, David's brother-turned-sister, had ever had 'her' penis surgically removed, so David shrugged: "I don't know. I haven't tried to f’ her in a long time." David said Alexis' current incarnation was ironic, as 'she' actually slept in a closet when they were growing up.



DAVID STALKED ALYSSA MILANO





Howard asked about Alyssa Milano, so David confessed that their relationship ended badly: "Even though I was being a dick, I didn't want her to be with anybody else...I started stalking her. Not--not really. Ok, I sat outside her house a couple nights." David went so far as to kick a dent in her new boyfriend's car and got himself banned from visiting




Howard said Riley Martin contacted him over the break and asked him to approve a set of new contract demands: "He wants to know if he has my support in his negotiations. You're so funny, Riley." Riley--on the line from home--started his call by saying he was a big fan of George, so Howard cut in: "Yeah, Riley gets most of his bullshit from Star Trek."




Riley said he wanted 2 weeks of paid vacation a year and an extended show: "All I want is 4 hours a week." Howard thought the hour Riley had was sufficient: "That's enough of you, an hour. I don't think you’ve got 4 hours in you." Riley quickly regressed to his usual name-calling method of negotiation, calling Howard a "chickenshit motherf’er" and telling Robin that he loved her: "Robin, I love you. I'd love to come on your tits. And Howard—f’ you." Howardstern.com