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If you had to pick one Wack-packer to leave the show who would you choose ?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Howard stern staff shirt less??

WHICH STAFFER LOOKS BEST SHIRTLESS? Frequent caller, Johnboy, called in with an unusual and creepy request, he wanted to see who looked best with their shirt off, and, after a lot of resistance, the crew eventually broke down. Richard was creepily complementary to Artie ("Look at how gorgeous you look.") and Fred ("Wow. Look at Fred. Fred looks amazing."). Fred laughed at Sal's little-girl boobs: "He looks like the cover of the Blind Faith album." Richard was also impressed with Howard: "You have a nice chest, Howard. How many people wouldn't want to feel Howard Stern's chest?" Sal was disgusted with the whole scene: "Benjy's tits go around to his back!" JD and Jason then came in to show off their doughy physiques. Richard laughed at JD's "Body by Burger King" and said Jason's body hair made him look like a fat Wolfman. After surveying everyone, Robin declared Fred the winner, citing his "upper body development." Richard still wasn't finished: "Can we see whose chest looks best covered in baby oil?" howardstern.com

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

bANG mY dAD & rEV. bOB lEVY, jOINS hOWARD

“BANG MY DAD” NOT LIFE-CHANGING Desi and Elly Foxx stopped by again to update Howard on their rendezvous with “Bang My Dad” winner Matt. Matt followed them in with his daughters, Jennifer and Jackie, and was more energetic than yesterday: "Hey! How are you?!" Jennifer and Jackie reported that they waited in the hotel lobby while their dad disappeared upstairs with Desi and Elly: "We had Dennis [Hof] and Ron Jeremy to keep us company." Howard also got Dorothy, Matt's wife, on the line to ask how she felt about Matt's date. Dorothy was unfazed: "I felt he was in safe hands, Howard...we're best friends. I think that when you love someone and set them free, they'll come back." Howard wondered if the experience might destroy any intimacy left between the two, but Dorothy denied it: "No. Like I said, our kids are grown...we're just moving to a different point in our lives. I think Matt knows that at the end of the day - no matter what happens - we're still going to be together." AN INTENSE 30 MINUTES Elly told the crew that she and Desi threw Matt down on the bed: "We found out Matt likes to spank." Matt's daughters laughed that they already knew that: "We have a small house." Elly said she deep-throated Matt - a skill Desi couldn't match: "We had a little contest. She won." Eventually, Desi finished him off doggy-style: "He kinda did go, 'Yee-ha!' It didn't last too long. It was kind of intense. 30 minutes." HIS WIFE COULDN'T CARE LESS Dorothy wasn't upset with Matt: "I'm not angry at all. I wouldn't have gone through with this if I was mad at him." Jennifer and Jackie revealed they set their dad up to get back at their "unemotional" mom: "Not so much revenge, more like to reward my dad for putting up with her. She can be difficult at times." Dorothy explained that her steely attitude was a necessity: "Matt goes out and Matt goes to work. Matt does not take care of what goes on at the house, that’s mom’s job...and that's ok." THE REV. BOB LEVY ON “THE SHOWER INCIDENT” The Rev. Bob Levy stopped by to promote some upcoming standup shows and Howard asked him to explain the story Yucko the Clown recently told on the show about Bob taking a shit in a motel shower: "What am I gonna do? Get out and dry off and take a shit?" Howard thought the answer was obvious: "Of course." Bob disputed Yucko's claim that he'd encountered remnants when he tried to use the shower after him: "Nobody seen the shit. I got it all down [the drain], believe me." Bob also reached out to Yucko, offering to take part in a benefit show: "If he wants to stay off the road and get his head together, I'll do the benefit." Bob added that he was trying to turn over a new leaf of his own: "I stopped drinking Saturday." BOB'S PILL FUELED ROAD LIFE Howard wondered how Bob's new marriage was going, so Bob laughed that it was doing a lot better than his first, as he cheated on his first wife the day after their wedding: "I told Florentine, 'This is the one for me,' and the next thing I know we drive to South Carolina and I'm being blown by a stripper." Shuli came in to tell some crazy stories about Bob on the road, like the time he popped 6 Klonopin pills and threw a chair at a promoter and used to play the comically-bad “The Greatest American Hero” theme song to amp up for his set. Bob explained: "I had problems back then...taking every pill in my pocket." A SPEECH TEST FOR THE REV. Howard tried to get Bob to say a few easily-mispronounced words, like “apocalyptic,” and Bob bombed it, spitting out odd variations like “apocalippy” and “apopopable.” After Bob had similar luck with “Guantanamo,” Howard asked what his particular brain malfunction was called. Shuli joked: "It's called 'no diploma.'" Bob's wife, Christine, then stopped by to pull Bob out of the studio, reporting, as they left, that her marriage was going great: "Tomorrow is a year."

Monday, June 15, 2009

homeless Game !

RECLAIMING THE HOMELESS GAME Howard reclaimed his man-on-the-street bits from Jay Leno with a round of “The Homeless Guy Game” - a listener played along, trying to predict if a homeless dude would be able to answer trivia questions. Each time, the listener bet against the poor guy: What is 50% of 500? The listener correctly predicted that the homeless guy would blow it: '500 dollars-no 50-50 dollars.' Whose nickname is J-Lo? The answer was unintelligible. What is Seinfeld's first name? The homeless guy's answer was quick: "Jerry Seinfeld." How much is 3 cubed? The homeless guy's answer made little sense: "Five thirty." Can you name 3 STDs? Without pause: "Gonorrhea. AIDS. Herpes." howarstern.com

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Stripper Idol

STRIPPER IDOL CONTESTANT #1 Howard announced the start of the Stripper Idol competition and welcomed Ava, the first contestant, who told Howard she came over from Russia a year ago. Howard asked, "Were you kidnapped?" Ava denied it: "I came here [on] vacation and never came back." Robin joked that she must've previously worked as a doctor in Russia, leading Ava to reply: "Actually, I was a journalist...I was always write about fashion." Robin asked if she liked being a stripper more, but Ava shrugged: "It's so different." Howard told Ava, "You've got some body on you," but the phrase didn't translate for her: "Somebody on me?" Ava then sang "New York, New York" and her accent mangled some of the lines: "King of the heeeel!" Robin gave Ava a 6: "The singing was ok." Sam gave her a 4: "She obviously learned the song phonetically." Fred only gave her a 5: "Because there was no nudity." Artie went with an 8: "She's manlier than Adam Lambert." Howard also gave her an 8. JULIANNA, STRIPPER IDOL CONTESTANT #2 The second contestant, Julianna, said she immigrated from Kyrgyzstan two years ago. Sam joked: "How big was the box?" Julianna then stripped down for her performance of the Kyrgyzstan national anthem - but Artie gave her a 10 before she even started: "Those are the best tits I've ever seen." Robin gave her a 6: "It was a moving rendition." Sam went with a 5 and Fred an 8: "Since she got topless." Howard also gave her an 8. Artie stayed with the 10 he gave Julianna initially and recited an impromptu poem he'd written for her: "Me and you would have a brilliant lifeplan. For you, I'd move to Kyrgyzstan. Even though I look like I have the shits, I'd marry you and your perfect tits."The third (and only American) contestant, Stacy, said she had a degree in biology from the University of Central Florida but got into stripping for "money and fun." Stacy sang - or really, talked - a deadpan version of Lady Gaga's “Pokerface." Robin gave her a 5: "I can't rate you higher than the other singers." Sam gave her a 9 and Fred gave her a 7: "[But] on nipples alone she should be a 10." Artie waffled, eventually settling on an 8: "I see a big future for her in the Blowing Me industry." Howard also gave her an 8. HERE SHE IS, MISS STRIPPER IDOL After tie-breaking votes from Artie and Robin, Howard awarded Julianna the title of Stripper Idol. Julianna gracefully thanked Rick's Cabaret and the show and again sang the Kyrzygstan national anthem. howardstern.com

Monday, June 1, 2009

Stutterers Face Off ?

THE STUTTERERS FACE-OFF Howard welcomed John the Stutterer and the newly anointed, High Register Sean, to the studio to promote their political face-off special - tonight on Howard101 at 7pm ET. John said Steve Langford would be moderating the debate and Sean hoped he could bring some "ca-ca-caaahmedy" to the show. John took exception, as he usually closes the show with some hilariously sick tirades: "I sprinkle in some vile sexual humor at the end of the show. I always have...I prefer to work alone." John then filibustered his way through a brief exchange on illegal immigration as Sean struggled to take a "sta-sta-staaahnd," later remarking that he tended to agree with Fox News' "fair and ba-ba-baaahlanced" reports. At one point, John turned his attention to Robin, citing her as the most beautiful woman in the world: "I hope Robin's not offended by this, but I would love to lick, suck, kiss and smell her..." (You get the picture). WHY JOHN THE STUTTERER CAN'T GET LAID Asked to speculate on why John can't get laid, Sean said: "He's unchar-char--chaaahrasmatic for one thing...he doesn't listen." John replied: "I'm living at home with my parents. I just want to roll up in a ball and die. I'm a loner, man. I'm a rebel without a cause...I feel that my place in life is to pay for sex. I'm a loser, man." howardstern.com

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