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Howard's conversation with George this morning was absolute perfection...nude wrestling...George's feet...Bill Shatner.
Showing posts with label George Takei. Show all posts
Showing posts with label George Takei. Show all posts
Monday, August 18, 2014
Monday, July 1, 2013
H100 News: Stern Show announcer George Takei discusses the Supreme Court striking down DOMA & its dismissal of Prop 8.
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H100 News: Stern Show announcer George Takei discusses the Supreme Court striking down DOMA & its dismissal of Prop 8.
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H100 News: Stern Show announcer George Takei discusses the Supreme Court striking down DOMA & its dismissal of Prop 8.
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Thursday, December 20, 2012
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Most Beautiful Penis contest George Takei judges Ass Napkin Ed & High Pitch Erik
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George said he was looking forward to today’s Most Beautiful Penis contest: “You know, I love the smell of the crotch. There’s a wonderful scent there. … Particularly young ones.” George described the “peachy” or “fruity” crotch scent unique to young men aged 18 to 21, later noting that Nordic types often smell “cleaner, more astringent” than the “musky” scent of black men. (Howard promised to test George’s ability to differentiate race and age by crotch scent as soon as possible.)
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PENIS CONTEST
Hidden behind curtains, four contestants poked their penises through a hole and allowed George to evaluate their junk--and only their junk--on its relative beauty.
George was shocked by contestant #1’s size: “They’ve got to show the whole thing. You’re kidding. That’s not the whole thing. … I hate to say it, but--the poor guy--is that it?” George later declared the nub “cute.”
George immediately wanted to touch contestant #2’s dick (#2 obliged: “Absolutely! I’d love to have you touch my cock, George.”), marveling at its pristine shape: ”This one here has cleanliness of color and [it’s] not very wrinkled.”
Fondling contestant #3, George was at a loss for words: “This has, um, proportion.”
Contestant #4 was easily the largest: “Oh yes! Now this is substantial.”
George then declared #2 the victor “in terms of beauty. Beauty alone. Proportion, color, texture.” Jack (aka contestant #2) admitted he wasn’t big: “It works great for anal sex. I love fucking chicks in the ass and it fits right in. … [but] if you look at Michelangelo's David, I have that same package.”
Howard then introduced the other contestants, including High Pitch Erik, aka Contestant #1: “Not only are you obese, but your belly is covered in pimples from shaving.” And Ass Napkin Ed, aka Contestant #3, who was too drunk to form a sentence
George said he was looking forward to today’s Most Beautiful Penis contest: “You know, I love the smell of the crotch. There’s a wonderful scent there. … Particularly young ones.” George described the “peachy” or “fruity” crotch scent unique to young men aged 18 to 21, later noting that Nordic types often smell “cleaner, more astringent” than the “musky” scent of black men. (Howard promised to test George’s ability to differentiate race and age by crotch scent as soon as possible.)
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PENIS CONTEST
Hidden behind curtains, four contestants poked their penises through a hole and allowed George to evaluate their junk--and only their junk--on its relative beauty.
George was shocked by contestant #1’s size: “They’ve got to show the whole thing. You’re kidding. That’s not the whole thing. … I hate to say it, but--the poor guy--is that it?” George later declared the nub “cute.”
George immediately wanted to touch contestant #2’s dick (#2 obliged: “Absolutely! I’d love to have you touch my cock, George.”), marveling at its pristine shape: ”This one here has cleanliness of color and [it’s] not very wrinkled.”
Fondling contestant #3, George was at a loss for words: “This has, um, proportion.”
Contestant #4 was easily the largest: “Oh yes! Now this is substantial.”
George then declared #2 the victor “in terms of beauty. Beauty alone. Proportion, color, texture.” Jack (aka contestant #2) admitted he wasn’t big: “It works great for anal sex. I love fucking chicks in the ass and it fits right in. … [but] if you look at Michelangelo's David, I have that same package.”
Howard then introduced the other contestants, including High Pitch Erik, aka Contestant #1: “Not only are you obese, but your belly is covered in pimples from shaving.” And Ass Napkin Ed, aka Contestant #3, who was too drunk to form a sentence
Monday, April 11, 2011
Here is one of George Takei's messed up feet. Both of his feet look the same
Monday, April 4, 2011
GEORGE TAKEI is back
GEORGE TAKEI IS IMAGINATIVE
At the top of the show, Howard announced that George Takei would be sitting in all week and immediately began investigating any recent changes to George’s sex life. George admitted that he wasn’t happy with his partner Brad’s physique: “I use a lot of imagination...because I’m a visual as well as tactile guy.” George said he tried to focus on the more toned parts of Brad’s body: “I search for the musculature.”
Asked if he’d ever considered cheating on Brad, George confessed that he had, but would never act on it: “I’ve been tempted many times...but when you really love someone, you think of hurting them.” George said the propositions he’d gotten from forward and “very young” Star Trek fans were the most tempting: “Some of these guys are really cheeky.”
AN ENTIRE STAFF OF MOOCHERS
After hearing that Richard Christy planned to ask George to officiate at his wedding, Howard demanded that the staff stop abusing the show’s relationships: “Can we just leave the guests alone?” Richard came in to ask George anyway: “There’s zero pressure.” George said he’d be at the wedding--but couldn’t commit to being in the wedding, as he had other plans that week: “I won’t be able to do it because I’ll be [visiting] here for a workshop and working on that.” howardstern.com
At the top of the show, Howard announced that George Takei would be sitting in all week and immediately began investigating any recent changes to George’s sex life. George admitted that he wasn’t happy with his partner Brad’s physique: “I use a lot of imagination...because I’m a visual as well as tactile guy.” George said he tried to focus on the more toned parts of Brad’s body: “I search for the musculature.”
Asked if he’d ever considered cheating on Brad, George confessed that he had, but would never act on it: “I’ve been tempted many times...but when you really love someone, you think of hurting them.” George said the propositions he’d gotten from forward and “very young” Star Trek fans were the most tempting: “Some of these guys are really cheeky.”
AN ENTIRE STAFF OF MOOCHERS
After hearing that Richard Christy planned to ask George to officiate at his wedding, Howard demanded that the staff stop abusing the show’s relationships: “Can we just leave the guests alone?” Richard came in to ask George anyway: “There’s zero pressure.” George said he’d be at the wedding--but couldn’t commit to being in the wedding, as he had other plans that week: “I won’t be able to do it because I’ll be [visiting] here for a workshop and working on that.” howardstern.com
Monday, December 6, 2010
THE APPLE DEAL , Wilson Phillips and GEORGE TAKEI HAS BEDBUGS
GEORGE TAKEI HAS BEDBUGS
Howard started off the show welcoming George Takei back to the show--George will be sitting in all week--and noted that George might have brought bedbugs with him. George said he and Brad recently returned to their New York apartment and discovered tell-tale bites the next morning. Surprisingly, they haven’t moved out while waiting for the exterminator to clean their apartment. Howard was shocked: “With the bedbugs?” George nodded: “With the bedbugs.”
George said an exterminator came in with a bedbug-sniffing beagle last Friday and found bugs on their bed and couch--but not their luggage: “We got it from the theater. Theater seats.” Howard fumed that Tim Sabean hadn’t been able to find a beagle to check George when he came in this morning: “We almost told you not to come in because we thought you were going to carry the bugs in here.”
A STRIP SEARCH FOR GEORGE
Later, Gary said he could have a bedbug beagle in the studio by 10, so Howard told George he’d have to strip down: “You can leave your underwear on.” George just laughed: “You’ll find every way to get people to take their clothes off.” Howard said he was serious--the dog really can’t check clothes on your person: “You smell too much. They don’t smell people, they smell objects.”
LANGFORD INVESTIGATES WILL MURRAY
Howard welcomed Steve Langford to the studio and asked Will to join them: “There are several sources who say you cheated on the IQ test.” Steve said several sources were telling him so: “Did you get some of the questions or part of the test ahead of time?” Will said he’d simply researched the test’s format: “I said to myself, is there any way I can, like, practice for it [or] figure out what the format of the test is?”
Will said the preparation was simple: “If you Google the test name, the whole test format will come up.” Of the samples Will saw, he only gleaned the test’s format: “None of the answers were on there...I never saw the actual questions.” But he did know a few answers: “I did get a couple of answers from people who work here in the back office and were yapping about it after the first round of tests.
THE TRUTH IS SOMEWHERE
Steve remained vigilant: “The truth is somewhere and we’re looking for it. Our sources claim that you had assistance from a professor.” Will threw his hands up: “Can we just say my IQ is 90 and get it over with?” Steve continued: “One of our sources...calls it cheating.” Howard thought a cheater would have done much better than Will’s score of 130: “If you cheated, you should’ve gotten a 180.”
Will insisted he didn’t do anything wrong--it’d be too hard: “Let’s say they gave me all the answers. This is a two-hour test. With thousands of questions on it. The fact that I could memorize the test...” George was impressed with Steve’s rigorous line of questioning: “I feel like I’m sitting in on the McCarthy hearings.” Howard said he believed Will’s story: “Will’s test scores stand.”
Christmas in Harmony
HOWARD DOESN’T GET OPRAH
Howard wondered why Oprah had made the Kennedy Center Honors list: “I just don’t get it. I know she’s beloved. I know she’s had a successful television career.” Howard went over the Kennedy Center’s Website and couldn’t figure out what she was being honored for: “They don’t even have anything next to Oprah to indicate why she got it.” Robin didn’t understand how Oprah would be observed: “They sing Paul [McCartney]’s songs. What do they do about Oprah?”
Christmas in Harmony
THE APPLE DEAL SOUNDS GOOD
Howard addressed rumors that he’d been negotiating with Apple, laughing that the reported 3-year/$600 million contract would be hard to turn down: “This one sounds like a pretty good deal, actually.” Howard said he kept asking himself three questions: “Where is the place that’s going to allow us to grow the most? Where can we be the most successful? And where is the future of radio?” But really: “We’re just looking for a place that doesn’t have bedbugs.”
howardstern.com
Howard started off the show welcoming George Takei back to the show--George will be sitting in all week--and noted that George might have brought bedbugs with him. George said he and Brad recently returned to their New York apartment and discovered tell-tale bites the next morning. Surprisingly, they haven’t moved out while waiting for the exterminator to clean their apartment. Howard was shocked: “With the bedbugs?” George nodded: “With the bedbugs.”
George said an exterminator came in with a bedbug-sniffing beagle last Friday and found bugs on their bed and couch--but not their luggage: “We got it from the theater. Theater seats.” Howard fumed that Tim Sabean hadn’t been able to find a beagle to check George when he came in this morning: “We almost told you not to come in because we thought you were going to carry the bugs in here.”
A STRIP SEARCH FOR GEORGE
Later, Gary said he could have a bedbug beagle in the studio by 10, so Howard told George he’d have to strip down: “You can leave your underwear on.” George just laughed: “You’ll find every way to get people to take their clothes off.” Howard said he was serious--the dog really can’t check clothes on your person: “You smell too much. They don’t smell people, they smell objects.”
LANGFORD INVESTIGATES WILL MURRAY
Howard welcomed Steve Langford to the studio and asked Will to join them: “There are several sources who say you cheated on the IQ test.” Steve said several sources were telling him so: “Did you get some of the questions or part of the test ahead of time?” Will said he’d simply researched the test’s format: “I said to myself, is there any way I can, like, practice for it [or] figure out what the format of the test is?”
Will said the preparation was simple: “If you Google the test name, the whole test format will come up.” Of the samples Will saw, he only gleaned the test’s format: “None of the answers were on there...I never saw the actual questions.” But he did know a few answers: “I did get a couple of answers from people who work here in the back office and were yapping about it after the first round of tests.
THE TRUTH IS SOMEWHERE
Steve remained vigilant: “The truth is somewhere and we’re looking for it. Our sources claim that you had assistance from a professor.” Will threw his hands up: “Can we just say my IQ is 90 and get it over with?” Steve continued: “One of our sources...calls it cheating.” Howard thought a cheater would have done much better than Will’s score of 130: “If you cheated, you should’ve gotten a 180.”
Will insisted he didn’t do anything wrong--it’d be too hard: “Let’s say they gave me all the answers. This is a two-hour test. With thousands of questions on it. The fact that I could memorize the test...” George was impressed with Steve’s rigorous line of questioning: “I feel like I’m sitting in on the McCarthy hearings.” Howard said he believed Will’s story: “Will’s test scores stand.”
Christmas in Harmony
HOWARD DOESN’T GET OPRAH
Howard wondered why Oprah had made the Kennedy Center Honors list: “I just don’t get it. I know she’s beloved. I know she’s had a successful television career.” Howard went over the Kennedy Center’s Website and couldn’t figure out what she was being honored for: “They don’t even have anything next to Oprah to indicate why she got it.” Robin didn’t understand how Oprah would be observed: “They sing Paul [McCartney]’s songs. What do they do about Oprah?”
Christmas in Harmony
THE APPLE DEAL SOUNDS GOOD
Howard addressed rumors that he’d been negotiating with Apple, laughing that the reported 3-year/$600 million contract would be hard to turn down: “This one sounds like a pretty good deal, actually.” Howard said he kept asking himself three questions: “Where is the place that’s going to allow us to grow the most? Where can we be the most successful? And where is the future of radio?” But really: “We’re just looking for a place that doesn’t have bedbugs.”
howardstern.com
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Artie calls out again ??
GEORGE IS IN, ARTIE IS OUT
Howard started off the show welcoming George Takei to the studio and noting that Artie was out today, as he's been – oddly enough – 4 of the 10 weeks George has sat in as the show's announcer: "We were out Friday and Monday. It's fine, but...I've tried to figure out whether Artie's on drugs or not because I'm always wrong." Howard later asked the crew if they thought Artie was sick or back on drugs.
George gave Artie the benefit of the doubt: "I think health-wise he's very fragile."
Fred disagreed, but only in the hopes he was proved wrong as he has in the past: "He's on the sauce again."
Robin was also skeptical: "I want him to be sick but I don't think he is." Benjy speculated: "But that might mean he was using before and got off again."
Jon Hein was generous: "I think he's exhausted and therefore sick."
Howard said he was sick himself – of betting in favor of Artie's sobriety and being repeatedly proved wrong.
STAFF TRAVELS
George said he'd only be in today and tomorrow, as he would be speaking at Drexel University in Philadelphia on Wednesday about his childhood. George added that Brad was traveling with him, as he usually does, unless George is headed somewhere freaky, like Romania. Howard thought Brad wouldn't like Vegas, as posters advertising Scott the Engineer's upcoming DJ gig at Club Pure were plastered all over Caesar's Palace. Scott came in to laugh: "I'm surprised I didn't scare people away."
BETH O IS BACK HOME
Howard reported that Beth O was back home after being away taping her role as a judge on ABC's “True Beauty,” explaining that the show took 8 men and 8 women and told them they were competing in a beauty pageant to be the face of Las Vegas. The twist was that they're judged on their inner beauty. Beth O got in Saturday afternoon: "You would've thought the two of us never saw each other...we had this whole big reunion. It was sexual, of course." Howard said the sex was bizarrely passionate: "We hadn't seen each other in a while so it was filled with massive neediness."
ERIC THE MIDGET STALKS BETH
Eric the Midget called in to say he saw Beth O at a Criss Angel show in Las Vegas over the weekend. Howard confirmed Beth's presence at the show and asked what Eric had done besides stalk his wife. Eric said he'd also "checked out the different hotels and played the slot machines a little bit." Eric did say that he wanted to go say hi to Beth but his parents didn’t want him to because they were afraid she’d be mean to him.
howardstern.com
Saturday, August 1, 2009
George test my balls ?
GEORGE & THE CREW PLAY GUESS THE TESTICLES
Howard started off the show with a game called, Guess the Testicle, in which Richard, Sal and Benjy all step behind a curtain and shove one of their balls through a hole. The crew would then try to match each sack with its owner. As the guys got ready, George laughed: "Let me put my glasses on." Howard noted that #2 had the biggest balls and #1 the smallest. Robin was repulsed by the sight: "Oh my god!"
George guessed that sack #1 was Richard, #3 was Benjy and #2 was Sal. Robin agreed that Richard had to be #1, but thought Benjy was #2. Artie sided with Robin, referencing The Gossip Game: "The fake story is...I'm enjoying this."
Howard struggled, finally guessing the order went Benjy, Richard and then Sal: "I've seen their dicks so often, I thought it'd be a no-brainer." The guys then stepped out to reveal themselves: #1 was Richard. #2 was Benjy. #3, of course, was Sal. Later George complained: "I would've preferred to have seen the whole thing."
Howardstern.com
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Sal " s Wife saves the snow day ?
SAL'S WIFE WORKS FOR A SNOW DAY
Sal came in to tell the crew that he had trouble getting his car started in the snow this morning. But after telling his wife, Christine, about this, he said he went to take a shower, only to find Christine frantically shoveling his car out of the snow. Sal said Christine even got the car started herself: "Not only that, just in case my car couldn't get out of the driveway, she started the truck!" Sal speculated that Christine just wanted to enjoy her day off without him - but Howard hinted that she might've planned a rendezvous with her emotional friend: "I wonder if anyone else has the day off today?"
Sal dismissed Howard's question but confessed that Christine had once had her emotional friend over to the house to fix his kids' swingset: "Back then. This was prior to me busting her." George asked why they stayed married, and Sal replied they really did still love each other...in fact he even got some "Action Jackson" from her last weekend.
Monday, August 18, 2008
He"s Back !!
GEORGE TAKEI IS SITTING IN ALL WEEK
Howard started off the show announcing that George Takei would be sitting in again all week. George happily said “Good morning” and congratulated the crew on the Sirius-XM merger. Howard asked George about his upcoming nuptials, and George replied that he was surprised at all the media attention, noting that he would be married on the 14th of December – and all it took to get a marriage license was a pair of birth certificates and $70.
howardstern.com
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