Most Beautiful Penis contest George Takei judges Ass Napkin Ed & High Pitch Erik

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George said he was looking forward to today’s Most Beautiful Penis contest: “You know, I love the smell of the crotch. There’s a wonderful scent there. … Particularly young ones.” George described the “peachy” or “fruity” crotch scent unique to young men aged 18 to 21, later noting that Nordic types often smell “cleaner, more astringent” than the “musky” scent of black men. (Howard promised to test George’s ability to differentiate race and age by crotch scent as soon as possible.)


THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PENIS CONTEST



























































Hidden behind curtains, four contestants poked their penises through a hole and allowed George to evaluate their junk--and only their junk--on its relative beauty.

George was shocked by contestant #1’s size: “They’ve got to show the whole thing. You’re kidding. That’s not the whole thing. … I hate to say it, but--the poor guy--is that it?” George later declared the nub “cute.”

George immediately wanted to touch contestant #2’s dick (#2 obliged: “Absolutely! I’d love to have you touch my cock, George.”), marveling at its pristine shape: ”This one here has cleanliness of color and [it’s] not very wrinkled.”

Fondling contestant #3, George was at a loss for words: “This has, um, proportion.”

Contestant #4 was easily the largest: “Oh yes! Now this is substantial.”

George then declared #2 the victor “in terms of beauty. Beauty alone. Proportion, color, texture.” Jack (aka contestant #2) admitted he wasn’t big: “It works great for anal sex. I love fucking chicks in the ass and it fits right in. … [but] if you look at Michelangelo's David, I have that same package.”

Howard then introduced the other contestants, including High Pitch Erik, aka Contestant #1: “Not only are you obese, but your belly is covered in pimples from shaving.” And Ass Napkin Ed, aka Contestant #3, who was too drunk to form a sentence

ASS NAPKIN’S & PET BABY relationship ?

ASS NAPKIN’S AMAZING PET BABY








Howard got Ass Napkin Ed and Debbie the Amazing Pet Lady to discuss their fledgling relationship: “Apparently they’re a couple.” Debbie said they weren’t a couple: “I don’t know what we are right now, Howard.” Ed said he and Debbie recently got together--and hooked up without using protection: “I might’ve got her pregnant.” Debbie confirmed: “I got a little buzzed and I was a little excited and we got a little carried away.”

Debbie had high hopes for her relationship with Ed: “We’re going to get married. And he’s coming back to stay with me in a couple weeks. He’s moving in with me.” Howard was blown away: “This is unbelievable...this is some romance.” Debbie doubted Ed would be able to endure 3 days in her house (“I find that very hard to believe.”) but said she’d try to make his stay a good time: “We’ll go to McDonald’s. We’ll go to all the fun places out here.”
howardstern.com

BeetleJuice Game & Ass Napkin Ed Moves in to Artie"s House ?

ASS NAPKIN ED MOVES IN Ass Napkin Ed called in to say he was trying to sell his ass napkins on Ebay, but the site's administrators keep taking his auctions down. Howard asked what else Ed was up to, so Ed said he'd actually been talking with Howard in his head: "[You told me] to go sit in the bathtub." Howard told Ed that he wasn't really in his head, but Ed didn't believe it. Ed then asked if he could park the camper he plans to buy in Artie’s beach-house driveway, but Artie said no. Howard gave Ed the opportunity make a little cash by playing The Beetlejuice Game, promising him $500 if he could correctly guess which questions Beet would answer correctly: Who is Saint Nick? Ed didn't think Beet would know the answer, but Beet had it down: "Saint Nick is f’ing Santa! Think I don't know that shit?" What holiday do the Jews celebrate during Christmas? Ed correctly guessed that Beet would get it wrong: "Who gives an f’ about Jews?" Name this tune [David Bowie and Bing Crosby's version of "Little Drummer Boy" plays]. Ed knew Beet had no chance, and true to form, Beet's answer was impossible to understand. What is the drink served during Christmas made with egg and milk? Ed again predicted that Beet would mess up, but Beet was on point: "What? That's egg-nog, moron." What is the name of the plant people kiss under during Christmas? Ed correctly guessed that Beet would blow it: "I know what that is. It's an f’ing reindeer kiss."