SAL THE SAVINGS-LESS STOCKBROKER
Howard asked Sal if he’d begun saving money after admitting--as he weeped about Howard’s retirement last year--that he’d saved almost nothing: “Sal, it’s a year later. You had a nervous breakdown on the air. Report to us how you’ve changed.” Sal claimed he’d taken a few steps toward retirement: “I added an additional 10% to my 401K here at Sirius...and I opened up a Roth IRA as well. For a couple of us. But not much.”
THE RED AND THE BLACK
Howard was still surprised that Sal had taken so long to change: “That’s a guy who used to get on the phone with people and say, ‘You’ve got to plan for your future.’” Sal’s response confused the phrases ‘in the black’ and ‘in the red’, so Gary underlined Howard’s point: “I understand that some people might not understand ‘in the black or ‘in the red’ but Sal was a stockbroker.” Sal snapped: “It’s a personal situation. Red and black comes in, it’s hard to decipher.”
MEET JENNA ROSE
Jenna Rose, Penthouse’s newly-crowned Pet of the Year, stopped by to meet Howard and allow six lucky listeners to feel her up. Jenna said she was so hot growing up, her mom kept her sequestered from her step-dad--he had to stay in a separate wing of the house: “He wasn’t allowed out.” Whenever he had to walk through the living room to smoke outside, her mom would rush in ahead of him to cover Jenna with a blanket.
Jenna’s mom was so overprotective, Jenna was too afraid to lose her virginity until late in her high school career: “I was always afraid that at any given moment, my mother would take me to the doctor and give me a pap smear.” The only sport she was allowed to play was softball, “because it was the only sport where they were completely covered, with the socks and stuff.”
FROM MYSPACE TO PORN STAR
Discovered on Myspace, Jenna quickly moved from nude modelling to porn--and was impregnated while filming her first “cream-pie” scene: “I was booked right off the bat so I didn’t have time to get on birth control, and I didn’t know what ‘cream-pie’ meant.” Howard said he was always awed by male porn star’s ability to hold out, so Jenna laughed: “The way it’s edited, yes. There’s a lot of breaks. Sometimes they take breaks to go to the bathroom or to get hard again.” Jenna went to explain that she found out she was pregnant a few weeks later when a searing pain in her abdomen sent her to the hospital for emergency surgery to save her from a potentially fatal ectopic pregnancy.
THE GIFT OF GROPING
Howard then turned to six listeners “Jenna, take those tits out and give everyone their Christmas gift.” The first listener, Steve, said he suffered from MS and hadn’t been with a woman in quite some time: “It’s been a while.” As he stood, he could only do so with help: “They steroid me up so I can walk around.” But with Jenna’s breasts in his hands, he felt rejuvenated: “Wow...I’ll do a porno with ya.”
Martin, a long-haul truck driver, said he’d come a long way: “I actually drove here, 23 hours from Lincoln, Nebraska, to be here this morning. With no sleep!” Martin positioned himself behind Jenna, as Howard laughed: “You want her butt rubbing into your penis? Is that it?” Martin nodded (“I think it’s very erotic.”) and seemed to work a kind of magic on Jenna: “I’m getting a little wet!”
HER 1ST TIME FEELING A GIRL
The only female listener, Susan, had never been with a woman: “Never had any girl. Never touched any other breasts than mine. [But] well, what better place than your show to break out?” Susan followed Martin’s lead: “I think I’m going to have to go from behind like I’m feeling my own....ooh. Ooh yeah. I think they feel great. They’re super soft.”
John, a married man, said his wife had given him a hard time on his way out the door: “I don’t know if I’m going to go for the feel. Maybe a dry-hump hug. Because my wife will kill me.” He had to come anyway--an invite to Studio 69 was too rare to pass up--so he thanked Jenna for the opportunity: “I’m just going to give you a nice kiss on the cheek and wish you a happy holiday.”
HE’S GOT THE RIGHT TOUCH
Of the last two listeners, Howard was taken aback by Keith, a guy handsome enough to be a porn star himself. Jenna agreed: “He is rough! He is grabbing my neck right now.” Keith purred his best come-on (“It’s just a little massage.”) and Jenna was hooked: “My neck turns me on...It’s getting hot in here, guys.” Howard was impressed, remarking that Keith seemed to have “the right touch”--Keith agreed: “My hands are full. Feels great.”
JOSE TAKES THE LEAD
The final listener, Jose, said he was blind: “I had an accident in Vermont...a snowmobile accident.” He hasn’t touched a woman in a long time: “I’m embarrassed to say this. Years...two years ago.” Asked if he might blow a load while touching Jenna, Jose laughed: “I hope so. I want to.” Jose asked Jenna to tell him what she looked like: “Don’t exaggerate. Can I ask a question? Are you shaved?”
Jenna promised that she shaved, but Jose wanted to confirm: “I don’t believe you. Let me check.” Robin laughed that Jose might have to take her word for it, but Jenna was game, leading his hand where it needed to be. Jose thrilled at the opportunity: “Have you ever had a Spanish tongue on you? Down below?” Jenna said she had, so Jose continued: “Would you like a second one?”
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