LISA G: TOO HARD ON BENJY?
Early in the Show, Howard addressed yesterday’s Wrap-Up Show, noting that Benjy had defended his relationship with Elisa Jordana to both Gary and Lisa G. In a clip, Lisa G could be heard questioning Benjy’s constant partnership-promotion: “Benjy is trying to be a hero to a non-career.” Lisa insisted she wasn’t jealous--just annoyed: “If she’s that talented, she’ll be fine on her own...it just feels like too much.”
BENJY IS PLUG-PRONE
As the Wrap-Up clips played out, Gary echoed Lisa’s complaint: “It feels very manufactured.” Howard said he agreed with the points Gary and Lisa had tried to make: “Benjy is obsessed with getting his girlfriend honest to the point where he feels like this is cache with her.” Howard continued: “It seems to me that you’re devoting a tremendous amount of your energy to promoting Elisa’s career...and it seems like there’s a lot pressure to get her airtime. Like there’s a lot of pressure to keep her in the limelight.”
Howard thought Benjy should quit promoting their projects (“It looks desperate.”) and Gary agreed: “You’re crowbaring in plugs...you plug day and night. That’s not an interpretation. That’s a fact.” Benjy insisted he was doing nothing wrong: “What I’m doing is not a bad thing. And I did it for another purpose.” He claimed he was not trying “to get her to love me”, but Howard didn’t care: “It’s odd and it’s a distraction.”
LISA G IS CONSUMED
Lisa came in to tell Howard she was no longer covering any Benjy-and-Elisa stories for the Howard100 News because they irritate her too much: “I’ve been a little consumed. That’s why I didn’t cover it...it feels tacky to me and disrespectful to you.” Howard turned to Benjy and sided with Lisa: “It’s a sad situation for you...if she’s going to have a big career, you can’t be Colonel Tom in this situation.” Robin, head down, refused to even take part: “Benjy
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Howard started off the show saying he belittled his psychiatrist yesterday and was starting to feel bad about it: "He told me to bring my anger into the room and I said, 'Ok. Here's my anger and I'll direct it at you'...I'm just a horrible person and I've come to the conclusion that I should quit therapy." Artie said he was also struggling with his shrink: "I can remember anyone’s phone number. It's weird...but this guy I gotta keep looking it up. It's like I'm fighting it."
Howard referenced the shrink Robin used to see: "Did she quit you or all therapy? I have a feeling she just quit you." Robin claimed the woman quit completely - and then revealed she'd been replaced: "I do talk to someone. A counselor. I'm not telling you who...she's a doctor. I'm not in therapy but I have someone I talk to when I need guidance." Howard asked if the woman was a life coach, but Robin denied it, saying the woman was a psychologist: "I use her when I need her." Later, Robin repeated: "It's not treatment."
ARTIE & GARY'S MEDICAL OUTLOOK
Artie said the tests his "wellness doctor" ran on him last week all came back great: "Even my liver improved." Howard asked Artie to be honest about how long he's been totally off drugs, so Artie said, "Everything everything? Its been about 4 weeks...heroin is Christmas Eve. Opiates has been about two months." Howard doubted Artie's claims, but Artie insisted he was being truthful. Howard brushed him off: "I don't care anymore. You take care of your stuff and I'll take care of my stuff."
Gary noted that he went to the doctor yesterday to have a sonogram (a procedure usually performed on pregnant women) to take a look at his kidney stone: "One of my kidneys is a little backed up so I have to go back in and have [the stone] ultrasound blasted again."
ROBIN TAKES ARTIE'S SIDE
Robin agreed that the Howard100 News' scrutiny can make her feel like the people who work for the show are not on her side, but Howard disagreed: "We have to have a playful attitude about everything we do." Artie disagreed: "I'm somebody's son. Tell [Lisa] to choke on it." Howard thought Artie was upset about something else: "Something's eating you today." Artie blamed his diet: "Because I'm not eating...I didn't sleep well last night. I'm a little cranky. But get this broad away from me. She's creepy."
ARTIE & LISA G FIGHT!
Lisa G reported that she called Dr. Drew yesterday, and Drew told her that Artie's self-administered attempt at rehab would fail - but refused to confirm Artie's claim that "Celebrity Rehab" had approached him to appear on the show's next season. Artie was angered by the story: "Why would he? Are you a dumbass? Why don't you call the producers?" Howard asked why he was being so mean to Lisa, and Artie blew up: "I hate her guts. I don't like her...f’ her. Someone better f’ her...Bitch."
Howard told Artie to calm down, but Artie continued: "F’ her. Keep her away from me. When I'm near her, I'm disheveled." Artie blamed Howard for the problem: "You started a news department because you live clean...she's creepy...she'd love to waddle in here on her spindly legs and say, 'Artie failed!'...I think Lisa would like me to fail. I think Langford would love it. They would come in here and report with glee."
FINAL ARGUMENTS & AN APOLOGY
Fred asked if Lisa called Dr. Drew or if Drew called her, so Lisa G explained that she was the one who called: "I call people all the time about things that happen on the show." Artie didn't care: "Don't ever do it about me again. Unless you want me to hit on you...you call somebody and that's a story? You're a regular Jimmy Breslin." Lisa said she wouldn't stoop to Artie's level, and Artie laughed: "I don't want you on my level. I want to be on a level all by myself."
Lisa said she had one more story, so Artie joked: "What? Did you call Mars about Fred or something?" Later, Robin admitted it was nice to see the news department get theirs: "Its about time they got a little bit [of flak]...they make life miserable around here." Scott the Engineer also came in to ask how Artie could be upset with a little scrutiny after lying on the air so many times, and Artie agreed: "Scott, you made a great point, and I officially apologize to Lisa G."
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FLAVOR FLAV IS ALREADY DOWN ON YOU
Flavor Flav stopped by to promote his "Nite Tales" DVD and asked Robin if she was running for president: "You're behind the bulletproof ‘boof’!" Flavor added that he felt partly responsible for Obama's presidency: "A Jewish president is next!" Howard wondered if Flavor had a tough time dating Bridget Nielsen: "Did you go down on her?" Flavor laughed: "I was already down on her! She's 6'2" [and] I'm 5'8"!"
Flavor told the crew that he lost his virginity at 6-years-old: "We were experimenting, man...natural instincts." Flavor laughed that he hasn't stopped since: "My three oldest...they live out on Long Island [with their mother]...my middle three [with their mother]...they moved up to Albany...my last one, his name is Karma...he lives with me [and his mother] in Las Vegas." Flavor said planned to keep going, as he wanted three more children.
LIVE FROM CELL #3432
Howard asked if Flavor if he still talked with former rap partner, Chuck D, and Flavor claimed he did: "There were times when he was trying to get up on my [VH1] show." Howard also wondered if Flavor would consider a return to radio. Flavor said he might - and noted that he used to work with Lisa G at Hot97: "Lisa’s always been single, man...honestly, I think Lisa’s scared. I think she’s scared of love from a man."
Flavor noted that he was the only radio host to ever broadcast from jail, adding that his longest sentence was for two-and-a-half years: "I know it was wrong, what I did. But back in the day? I was the man!...The gang I was in, some of the stuff I had to do." Flavor told the crew that he faced some tough guys in prison: "They thought they'd make a name for themselves and beat up Flavor Flav...This was in the sixth building. The sixth building of Riker's Island."
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LISA LAMPANELLI
Lisa Lampanelli stopped by to promote her new HBO special, "Long Live the Queen," and sarcastically said she was jealous that Sal once called a black audience member “King Kong,” because: "If I were funny, I'd have thought of that." Howard asked about an invite Lisa sent him last week, so Lisa explained it was a viewing party for her special at the Friar's Club: "It's a thing where you go, wow, I have to invite people."
Lisa told the crew that HBO tried to censor her special over two jokes: one that featured "American Idol" runner-up David Archuletta and another in which she tells Sarah Palin to stop having children: "A retarded kid is the warning shot of the reproductive system." Lisa laughed that she changed the Archuletta joke to Andy Dick because Archuletta is under 18 - but the Palin joke stayed: "I'm the executive producer."
TWO LISAS ON THE PROWL
Howard asked how Lisa felt about co-hosting Lisa G's cookie party, so Lisa laughed: "Lisa [G] really knows how to party like it's 1949." Lisa added that when she and Lisa G go out to dinner together, she has too pull teeth to get Lisa G's share of the tip: "I'm famous, Lisa, I have to leave 25 percent!" Lisa added that she was now dating again, but she refuses to date Asian dudes: "I like men like I like my coffee, not my urine."
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DR. DREW DEFENDS CELEBRITY REHAB
Dr. Drew stopped by to promote the upcoming season of "Celebrity Rehab: Sober House," and Howard asked him if he felt like he was taking advantage of sick people by putting them on TV. Drew admitted it had the potential to exploitative, but the trade-off was threefold: 1. the celebrities do get good treatment; 2. the cameras and publicity motivate them to stay strong; 3. the show helps them serve as an example to others struggling with addiction.
Artie asked if Drew would have Jeff Conaway back for a third season/try, but Drew refused: "No. I'm done." Artie told Drew about the "wellness center" where he kicked drugs over the Christmas break and asked if it sounded legit to him. Drew was honest: "In my experience with opiates, there are four outcomes: death, recovery, using or replacement...it seems to me [after reading your book] that you want to join your dad...you deserve a better life."
THE DOCTOR TREATS THE STERN SHOW
Howard wondered how the show should go about testing Artie for drugs, and Drew recommended that they be sure not to give him the opportunity to cheat - for a urine test, someone should watch to make sure it's really Artie's "penis in the cup." Artie objected, but Gary assured him he would be quite close: "Artie, I love you, but I don't think you're above buying urine." Artie said he wouldn't do it if Gary had to see "penis in the cup": "I don't have the
Whizzinator...I don't know one person who doesn't do drugs or drink! Who am I gonna pay [for urine]?"
The crew thought Artie might be more agreeable if Lisa G were the one to watch Artie put his penis in the cup, but Artie didn't think so: "If my penis is out in a room with Lisa G, it's going in her mouth." Howard then asked Drew about Robin's addiction to colonics, and while Drew had his reservations, he admitted, "It seems to be working for her."
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GARY AND ARTIE AIR THEIR DIFFERENCES
ARE ARTIE'S LIES GOOD FOR THE SHOW?
Artie opened the show speculating that his "lie-and-then-confess-later method" of dealing with the truth actually benefits the show. Howard thought the argument was hilarious, but Robin insisted that Artie's lies had flagged a deeper issue. Howard then played a clip of Brad Garrett during his last visit correctly guessing that Artie had stopped going to therapy and Artie lying in response: "I go Tuesdays and Thursdays...I will be there tomorrow."
Artie speculated that Gary's comments on the issue (on yesterday's Wrap-Up Show) were indicative of an underlying resentment. Gary came in to laugh that, not only was the theory not true, but he thought the opposite was more likely the case – Artie resented him. Gary added that he felt betrayed by Artie's dishonesty, but Artie argued that it was like he had slept with Gary's wife: "I'm too honest. That's the problem. You people shouldn't even know that I'm in therapy [in the first place]."
Artie did admit that he has lied in the past: "I've had girls that I told I've never been with whores." Gary said he thought Artie started to resent him after seeing one of his paychecks, but Artie laughed that off: "I can't even believe that's what you said. That's not even on my mind." Gary ignored Artie's protests, saying he still thought the incident was an issue: "You thought it was too much." Howard laughed: "I think it's too much."
Lisa G came in to say that Artie tried to show her Gary's paycheck at his birthday party, but Artie claimed he was just joking. Howard asked Lisa if she was still upset with Artie, and Lisa said she went through her file of Artie quotes yesterday: "We're not gonna have a good ending...I don't feel good about this." Artie told Lisa, "That's crazy. You're a nutto...I'm gonna bang you, but I'm worried. 'Cause you're crazy." Jason came in to confirm Lisa's story: "You had the check out and you were showing it around the party." Artie said, "I don't deny that I told people about getting the check [by mistake]. I had a couple drinks. But I didn’t even have it with me at the party, I was joking."
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