THE JOKE MAN IS A THIN MAN...
Jackie 'The Joke Man'
Martling stopped by to promote his various projects--including an
upcoming appearance on TNT's 'Leverage'--and Howard immediately noted
that he'd lost "an alarming amount of weight." Jackie shrugged that
he'd lost 45lbs and felt great ("And Norris tells people I'm dying!"),
despite the stretch marks his temporary weight gain had left on his
stomach.
Howard then asked Jackie about the anti-Semitic jokes ("Hey you Jew
bastard!") that Jackie used--even if in jest--at a recent lunch meeting,
saying: "If you grow up hearing that every two minutes..." Jackie cut
in: "I can't control what your parents said to ya."
...AND A SINGLE MAN
Howard asked Jackie
what happened to the girlfriend he'd had until very recently, theorizing
aloud: "What did you do to blow this? You're difficult." Jackie tried
to avoid the topic at first: "I'm not talking about it. That's my
girlfriend and we broke up, you know, four months ago."
Howard noted that Jackie had lied and said the relationship was going
great--when they'd already broken up--so Jackie attempted to explain: "I
don't wanna spend X amount of time saying uhhh you know...it just
wasn't right, you know. I think you hit the nail on the head with I'm
difficult." Jackie said he knew it was over when they were walking
through a pet store one day: I turned to her and said, 'Did I ever tell
you...' And she said, 'Yes.'"
JACKIE TELLS THE TRUTH?
A caller named Sean
claimed he'd been putting a movie together and had talked to Jackie
about staring in it--until he also cast Richard Christy, causing Jackie
to back out. Jackie dismissed the charges: "I backed out because you
changed the deal a million times!" Sean didn't directly answer Jackie's
claim, saying instead that he still wanted to work with Jackie.
Everyone--particularly Howard--was surprised that Jackie seemed to be
telling the truth.
RONNIE'S DELIVERY SERVICE
Howard began
discussing Ronnie the Limo Driver's bizarre cookie-delivery
system--Ronnie commandeers the weekly Crumbs delivery every Wednesday
morning to set aside several cookies and cupcakes for delivery to
several SiriusXM staffers who work outside the Stern office. Howard
asked Ronnie to explain his delivery route in detail, but Ronnie locked
himself in the bathroom and refused to come out.
Howard got Ronnie to
run the studio with a single decree: "Gary, no more
Rick's plugs for
Ronnie." Ronnie burst in ranting: "Take it! Go ahead, take it! Don't
scare me, man...take whatever you want from me...I could always go work
somewhere else." Howard called his bluff: "Go ahead." Ronnie still tried
to stonewall Howard's investigation, so Jason came in to report: "All I
know is the black-and-white cookies are gone by 6:04 if you don't grab
one [immediately]."
THE DELIVERIES DETAILED
Reports started coming
in and cracked Howard up: "What do you care if Jared [Fox] gets
cookies?" Ronnie snapped: "The guy's my friend! What's the big deal?"
Under pressure, Ronnie admitted he sets 3 black-and-white cookies aside
for Jared, a cupcake for two of SiriusXM's receptionists and some apple
rugelach for Ross Zapin.
Howard decided that
Ronnie should no longer touch any baked goods delivered to the office:
"Do not go there. Don't let me hear you're there." Toward the end of
the segment, Medicated Pete came to offer himself as Ronnie’s
replacement: “I wanna be Medicated Pete the Limo Driver.”
RONNIE RAGES ON JASON
Later, Jason came in
to say Ronnie had attacked him: "He charged me, grabbed me and threw
a--threw a garbage can at me. And uh I'm-I'm-I'm not happy about it. It
stopped being funny. I'm not happy." Jason admitted he'd stuck his
tongue out and taunted Ronnie before the incident, but Howard still laid
fault on Ronnie, promising to talk to him off the air: "Over these dumb
f’ing cookies?"
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