HOWARD stern COLONOSCOPY

HOWARD'S COLONOSCOPY

Howard reported that he'd gotten a colonoscopy over the break and really panicked beforehand, following the pre-procedure instructions to the finest detail. Howard said he had to buy a 64oz bottle of Gatorade and empty 14 servings of MiraLAX into it--and drink it all the night before: "Every 15mins you drink 8oz of this concoction. It took me an hour and a half." And the mixture worked: "I run upstairs. Holy cow. I start pissing water out my asshole."

The next day, at the doctor's office, Howard was still suffering the effects and had to use the office restroom: "A public bathroom! I said, 'Oh my God, this is my worst nightmare.' I gotta sit in a public bathroom and squirt water out my ass." Howard said an anesthesiologist knocked him out for the procedure, so it ended up being pretty easy--something he noted in his planner so he wouldn't panic before his next one.howarstern.com

TARYN THOMAS - “Jersey Shore XXX”

TARYN THOMAS HAD AN ANAL ACCIDENT Taryn Thomas, the porn star who plays “Snooki” in the “Jersey Shore XXX” parody, stopped by to tell the crew about her 2-year absence from porn "because of my meltdown and stuff." Taryn told the crew her meltdown followed an incident in which her intestines were "torn open" while filming an anal scene: "There was lube but it was KY jelly, and if you know anything about KY, it burns...so we used spit." Taryn's recovery put her out of work: "I took a break until the end of May...damage was done to my ass so bad it hurt my well-being." Howard asked if she could've just done vaginal sex scenes instead, but Taryn shrugged: "What I'm known for in the business when people wanna hire me is for taking it up my ass." Taryn added that she gained almost 60lbs during her time away: "I did probably indulge in maybe one too many cheeseburgers...ultimately I was depressed." BACK IN THE SADDLE AGAIN joked that the porn star who ripped Taryn's bowels must have been proud of himself: "I've never hurt a woman with my penis. I've tried. It just doesn't work." Robin asked if she'd had to have her anus reconstructed, and Taryn nodded: "For the most part." Taryn said she'd since recovered and was back to filming anal scenes once again--news that overjoyed Howard: "Now that's the happy ending!" Taryn laughed that her doctor had no idea what he was working toward: "He said I could do anal again but I don't think he knew I'd be taking two dicks up my ass." Now she takes a number of steps to prepare for anal scenes, including laxatives, "cleaning out" with a custom colonic hose attachment in her shower and the propper lube: "I swear by Eros lube." Taryn added that she rarely did anal off set, but enjoys it more, as she doesn't have to prepare as thoroughly: "I just let it fly."

TRACEY MILLMAN rips apart Scott Salam !

TRACEY MILLMAN DESTROYS SCOTT SALEM Howard played a clip from yesterday's Tracey Millman Show in which Tracey claimed that Scott The Engineer didn't work hard for his money. In another clip, Scott called into Tracey's show to defend himself: "I work hard. I get there at 3:30." Tracey just laughed: "Doing what? F’ing up the microphones?" Scott claimed he personally checked all the in-studio equipment, but Tracey knew better: "No, your intern does that. He's the one who goes in [and] makes sure everything is together." Tracey also mocked Scott's level of responsibility: "When you had sur--your hernia surgery a couple years ago and you recommended an ex-intern to fill in for you, what do you think--what do you think that said about you?" After hearing the clips, Howard wondered how Scott (who is known for his temper) was able to remain so calm and Scott explained: "I refuse to go to a place that's gonna get me crazy...it's my new me." Howard laughed: "What are you, a Buddhist?" Scott showed signs of his irritable 'old me': "Yeah, ok, I bitch and moan. I'm trying to get better at that too." howardstern.com

THE TIGER WOODS MISTRESS BEAUTY PAGEANT SHOW, will air live on March 10, 2010 !

THE TIGER WOODS MISTRESS BEAUTY PAGEANTTiger's Got Wood dvd....

Howard announced that they had found a sponsor willing to put up the $100,000 prize for the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant. He went on to explain that any of the women who've slept with Tiger Woods are welcome to enter. The crew debated how to judge the women--Howard eventually decided that he wanted to get each woman in a bathing suit and ask them about their night(s) with Tiger.

Miss Howard TV - Destiny Dixon ( March )

Miss Howard TV - Destiny DixonDESTINY DIXON, MISS HOWARDTV MARCH Howard welcomed Destiny Dixon, Miss HowardTV March, to the studio, and reported that she used to be a professional motorcycle stunt rider. Destiny said her modeling work was much safer than her old job: "I've broken my tailbone 3 times...my toes, my ankles. That's about it. It should've been worse. I've gotten lucky." Looking up from his notes, Howard laughed: "But she's afraid of black penis!" Destiny confessed that while she's afraid of black penises, she's very committed to her super-sized (and high-powered) Hitachi Magic Wand vibrator: "If I don't use the Hitachi, it's kinda hard [to orgasm]." She wasn't kidding--it took several minutes at the '100%'/max setting for the show's Sybian machine to do its job: "Oh man, I'm light-headed. That thing is so f’ing amazing 'cause you explode in this--that thing is too much." howardstern.com

Beth O w/ her English Bulldog ( Bugatti ) 3.2 million dog collar...

Last week, when accepting SkyBark’s “2010 Animal Shelter of The Year” award on behalf of the North Shore Animal League of America, Beth modeled the “Bugatti” of dog collars. It’s a 52-carat collar with more than 1,600 hand-set diamonds, worth $3.2 million. Fuck you! Kudos on the award Beth and North Shore, but $3.2 million for a God damn dog collar—that’s nuts!

Donald Trump Gives Artie Lang good wishes and talks about Artie's violent suicide !

Donald Trump is sending good wishes along to Howard Stern Show sidekick Artie Lange who is currently on hiatus from the show while he recovers from a violent suicide attempt in early January.



Trump gave the Artie Lange quote during an interview with New York Magazine in response to Lange's interview for the Magazine's '21 Questions' column in November 2009. When the Howard Stern Show second banana was asked: "What do you think of Donald Trump?" he responded: "I like him, but he owes me $42k from the last time I was at the Taj."

Donald Trump's statement on Artie Lange was a lot less flip: "I like Artie too. He's a really good comedian. I hope he's going to be okay." New York Magazine reporter Tali Yahalom said Trump ended the interview abruptly after the Artie Lange question.

The Howard Stern Show has been without Artie Lange since the comedian was ordered to take time off for health reasons in December 2009. Since news of his failed suicide attempt by stabbing in January, his future with the Howard Stern Show has remained uncertain. Both Howard Stern and Sirius XM Vice-President Tim Sabean have stated that Artie Lange's job at the Howard Stern Show will be waiting for him when and if he decides to return.

Follow the Howard Stern Examiner
Artie Lange's dark and painful secret was finally exposed by the New York Post early Thursday morning with a story in their 'Page Six' gossip column that Artie Lange attempted suicide by stabbing himself nine times. 

Howard Stern waited until 7:10AM on Thursday morning's Howard Stern Show broadcast to talk about the Artie Lange 'Page Six' story, and even then he spoke about it reluctantly.

"I don't even know why I don't want to read it on the air," said Howard Stern.  "Maybe I'm in some kind of denial or something."

Howard Stern couldn't read more than a line of the story revealing the suicide attempt and the method and then put the story down.  "I'm so upset about this story," said Stern.  "I'm pissed off that the story got out there."

Howard Stern To replace Simon Cowell ?? Good for BU ? ( SIRI )

At the end of its ninth season in mid-March, American Idol will say good-bye to Simon Cowell, the judge on the top-rated reality show that people might love to hate or hate to love, but tune in to see. Replacing him with someone just as boisterous and blunt is a tall order.




But the perfect fit may be a BU alum: Howard Stern.



The Sirius radio shock-jock is rumored to be a top contender to fill Cowell’s seat. What Stern (COM’76) lacks in music industry experience, he more than makes up for in hard-hitting, raucous, raunchy commentary.



Stern has responded on air to fans’ criticism that he’s sold out by considering a stint on American Idol.



“Of course it’s a sell-out,” he said. “It’s a dumb karaoke contest concept. I don’t give a sh*# about American Idol, but it would be a fun gig.”



Cowell is well known in the television and music industry, especially in his native England, where he’s the executive producer and star of top-rated The X Factor. He’s also the executive producer of America’s Got Talent and produces and judges Britain’s Got Talent.



The controversial Stern revels in pushing the envelope, using his radio talk show to engage everyone from Penthouse pets of the month to rock stars and comedians, often delving into non-PC discussions, personal rants, and X-rated variety stunts.



Stern doesn’t doubt he’s qualified for the job: “Sit there and judge? I do that anyway.”



The stars may align in a business sense as well; Cowell leaves American Idol at the end of this season, and Stern’s contract with Sirius expires at the end of 2010. The question remains whether Fox, which broadcasts the singing competition, can afford the BU alum. Stern makes $100 million a year; Cowell is paid half that amount.



Stern denies he’s using American Idol as leverage against Sirius XM CEO Mel Karmazin to secure a bigger contract.



“He knows exactly what I’m worth to him,” Stern said on air. “There’s no negotiating.”



Should he join the show, Stern would sit alongside judges Randy Jackson, Kara DioGuardi, and newly arrived Ellen Degeneres, with whom he hardly plans to play nice.



“I’m not just giving opinions on music,” Stern predicted. “I’m giving opinions on Ellen.”



Bloviating aside, Stern expressed on-air doubts last Tuesday about his American Idol future.



“It’d be very difficult for them to get me to do that job,” he said.



Leslie Friday

Ronnie Takes over crumbs cookies ?

JACKIE THE JOKE MAN STIRS THE POT

THE JOKE MAN IS A THIN MAN...
Jackie 'The Joke Man' Martling stopped by to promote his various projects--including an upcoming appearance on TNT's 'Leverage'--and Howard immediately noted that he'd lost "an alarming amount of weight." Jackie shrugged that he'd lost 45lbs and felt great ("And Norris tells people I'm dying!"), despite the stretch marks his temporary weight gain had left on his stomach.

Howard then asked Jackie about the anti-Semitic jokes ("Hey you Jew bastard!") that Jackie used--even if in jest--at a recent lunch meeting, saying: "If you grow up hearing that every two minutes..." Jackie cut in: "I can't control what your parents said to ya."

...AND A SINGLE MAN
Howard asked Jackie what happened to the girlfriend he'd had until very recently, theorizing aloud: "What did you do to blow this? You're difficult." Jackie tried to avoid the topic at first: "I'm not talking about it. That's my girlfriend and we broke up, you know, four months ago."

Howard noted that Jackie had lied and said the relationship was going great--when they'd already broken up--so Jackie attempted to explain: "I don't wanna spend X amount of time saying uhhh you know...it just wasn't right, you know. I think you hit the nail on the head with I'm difficult." Jackie said he knew it was over when they were walking through a pet store one day: I turned to her and said, 'Did I ever tell you...' And she said, 'Yes.'"

JACKIE TELLS THE TRUTH?
A caller named Sean claimed he'd been putting a movie together and had talked to Jackie about staring in it--until he also cast Richard Christy, causing Jackie to back out. Jackie dismissed the charges: "I backed out because you changed the deal a million times!" Sean didn't directly answer Jackie's claim, saying instead that he still wanted to work with Jackie. Everyone--particularly Howard--was surprised that Jackie seemed to be telling the truth.

JASON VS RONNIE

RONNIE'S DELIVERY SERVICE
Howard began discussing Ronnie the Limo Driver's bizarre cookie-delivery system--Ronnie commandeers the weekly Crumbs delivery every Wednesday morning to set aside several cookies and cupcakes for delivery to several SiriusXM staffers who work outside the Stern office. Howard asked Ronnie to explain his delivery route in detail, but Ronnie locked himself in the bathroom and refused to come out.

Howard got Ronnie to run the studio with a single decree: "Gary, no more Rick's plugs for Ronnie." Ronnie burst in ranting: "Take it! Go ahead, take it! Don't scare me, man...take whatever you want from me...I could always go work somewhere else." Howard called his bluff: "Go ahead." Ronnie still tried to stonewall Howard's investigation, so Jason came in to report: "All I know is the black-and-white cookies are gone by 6:04 if you don't grab one [immediately]."

THE DELIVERIES DETAILED
Reports started coming in and cracked Howard up: "What do you care if Jared [Fox] gets cookies?" Ronnie snapped: "The guy's my friend! What's the big deal?" Under pressure, Ronnie admitted he sets 3 black-and-white cookies aside for Jared, a cupcake for two of SiriusXM's receptionists and some apple rugelach for Ross Zapin.

Howard decided that Ronnie should no longer touch any baked goods delivered to the office: "Do not go there. Don't let me hear you're there." Toward the end of the segment, Medicated Pete came to offer himself as Ronnie’s replacement: “I wanna be Medicated Pete the Limo Driver.”

RONNIE RAGES ON JASON
Later, Jason came in to say Ronnie had attacked him: "He charged me, grabbed me and threw a--threw a garbage can at me. And uh I'm-I'm-I'm not happy about it. It stopped being funny. I'm not happy." Jason admitted he'd stuck his tongue out and taunted Ronnie before the incident, but Howard still laid fault on Ronnie, promising to talk to him off the air: "Over these dumb f’ing cookies?"

Howard Stern On American Idol

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Jackie Martling wants Atrie langs chair back ?? talks to howard stern !

Former Howard Stern Show sidekick Jackie Martling made a shameless bid for current co-host Artie Lange's seat Wednesday morning. Artie Lange is currently recovering from a suicide attempt at an undisclosed facility.

Martling walked away from the Howard Stern Show in 2001 because he was unhappy with his salary, but "The Jokeman" has changed his tune since trying to fend for himself in the entertainment world over the last nine years.

"You give me the deal I walked away from, I'll start tomorrow," said Martling on Wednesday morning's Howard Stern Show broadcast.

The Howard Stern Show has forged on without a comedian in the second banana seat since Artie Lange was ordered to take time off by Sirius XM management due to health concerns in mid-December. Artie Lange attempted suicide by stabbing several weeks later.

None of the Howard Stern Show cast members seemed interested in Martling's offer. Howard Stern told him: "You walked away at the wrong time."

Howard Stern Show news mistress and female voice of reason Robin Quivers couldn't wait to tell Jack Martling she was against his proposal: "You have no idea how light this place got when you left," she said bluntly.

Howard Stern and Sirius XM VP Tim Sabean have both stated that Artie Lange's chair will be ready and waiting for him if and when the troubled comedian feels ready to rejoin the cast, but Jackie Martling isn't the first comedian to try to grab the brass ring Artie Lange left strewn under his chair. Stand up comedians Greg Fitzsimmons and Gilbert Gottfried each took turns guest co-hosting in Artie's absence.

Sal's Pouch - Off & HOWARD's PLANS FOR 'IDOL' ?

THE POUCH-OFF

Jason had challenged Sal to a Pouch-Off, in which they each make pouches out of the foreskins of their uncircumcised penises and then see who could stuff the most M&Ms inside. After dropping his pants, Jason asked Robin to evaluate his penis--she said he had "a good-looking piece." Sal got defensive: "You heard of the story of David and Goliath, Robin?"

As Richard dropped M&Ms in his pouch, Sal began to get confident: "25, you motherf’er! Lick my balls, you Australian piece of horseshit!"


Richard then pumped even more into Jason's pouch--eventually fitting 50. Sal had topped out at 29, so Richard laughed: "He's been out-pouched." Jason shrugged: "There's a little bit of a tingle in my knob." Howard told the crew he was planning to make some big changes if he takes over Simon Cowell's 'American Idol' chair: "I'm not just giving opinions on music. I'm giving opinions on Ellen..." Howard said he wanted to turn the tables on Ellen: "People who've worked with her have told me she's impossibly rude." Still, Howard didn't think it would happen: "It'd be very difficult for them to get me to do this job."

tigers new dvd !

Howard Stern to join American Idol ??

American Idol" producers are eager to hire Howard Stern to replace Simon Cowell as the show's tough-talking judge, sources tell Page Six.        Get your Howard thru Kindle




An insider said that producers of the hit Fox show say Stern, America's highest-paid radio personality, is their top choice to take over from Cowell, who leaves at the end of this season. They approached the King of All Media after he repeatedly mentioned on-air that his exclusive Sirius XM Radio deal expires next January and he was open to other offers. Cowell was paid $50 million a year.



A source connected to "Idol" said, "It's one of the few shows that could compete with Stern's $100 million-a-year Sirius contract, and 'Idol' bosses think he'd be even nastier than Simon.





Gary Gershoff/WireImage.com

Howard Stern "They know he would be great TV and would clash with the other judges such as Ellen DeGeneres and the contestants. 'Idol' will do what it takes to sign him."



But a second source told us Stern hasn't made the "Idol" talks easy, and has been giving out mixed messages about his intentions.



"Despite what he's been saying on-air, Howard isn't ready to leave radio and would like to stay on at Sirius," the source said. "We believe this is a ploy to make Sirius pay up and keep him on his huge contract. But if Sirius can't pay him the money he wants, he may negotiate to film 'Idol' on the side."



Stern is also believed to be reluctant to commit to a show that would require him to tour the US as a judge and spend much of the year in Los Angeles.



He recently said, somewhat cryptically, "I was approached by a major TV network to take over a TV show and leave here and do that next year -- and I did turn it down . . . I'm not even sure if I want to be working. I'm waiting to see what happens."



Calls to Stern's agent and producer were not returned. A rep for FOX declined to comment.

PENTHOUSE PET HEIDI BARON vists howard stern

PENTHOUSE PET HEIDI BARON

Penthouse Pet Heidi Baron stopped by and told the crew that this was actually her second appearance on the show--she'd previously been on when she was 19 (she’s 21 now).

After learning that Heidi was raised in Germany, Howard had her play Guess Who’s The Jew with “Kurt Waldheim Jr.”: Kim Cattrall, Uma Thurman or Jennifer Connelly. Heidi guessed Kim Cattrall, but “Kurt” announced she was wrong, it was Jennifer Connelly.

Heidi said she wasn't good at recognizing celebrities--much less recognizing their religious backgrounds--saying she was once approached by Jared Leto at the gym and didn't know who he was. The pair dated for a few months, but Heidi cut it off when it became "just sex"--he'd never take her out or treat her with any real respect. Heidi added that Jared had one redeeming quality: his huge penis: "He's like a black man."

BUT IS THE SYBIAN BETTER THAN JARED LETO?

Heidi then jumped on the Sybian and may have ridden it to completion--she wasn't sure: "I think I busted a nut?" She was sure about one thing: it was better than Jared Leto.howardstern.com

Retard Bachelor - Coming Soon ?? Buy ( Charred Walls of the Damned ) By Richard Christy !

GET READY FOR A “SPECIAL BACHELOR”

While Pete was in the studio, Howard took a call from Wendy the Retard who claimed she was getting hot listening to Pete. In fact, Wendy said “yes” to every question Howard asked her. Wendy said she liked to eat pizza and go bowling – and stated that she could eat 5 pizzas in one sitting. She also noted that she goes to the bathroom 4-5 times a day and doesn’t always make it to the toilet. Despite all this, Pete said he’d like to take Wendy out on a date, prompting Howard to announce that he was going to put together a new show: “Retarded Bachelor.” 

howard stern.com

  Buy Richard's C. New Album !

Buy Tiger Woods New DVD - Tiger's Got Wood ! As recently talked about on the Howard Stern Show !

• Click Below To Order Your DVD
•   Tiger's Got Wood
• 
• Actors: Jonny Slim, Diana Doll, Krissy Lynn, India Summer, Jazy Berlin
• Directors: Cash Markman
• Format: NTSC
• Region: Region 1
• Number of discs: 1
• Rating: NC-17
• Studio: Wicked Pictures
• DVD Release Date: February 4, 2010
• Run Time: 90 minutes

 Buy This DVD Now @ Tiger's Got Wood ( Cheap @ Amazon.com ) Pre order ASAP !
Available for Pre-order. This item will be released on Feb 4, 2010.

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Tiger's Got Wood

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Tiger's Got Wood                                              

    Click Now to Buy <   Tiger's Got Wood

                                                                                                                    Tiger's Got Wood

Everyone knew that Tiger Wood's scandal would eventually be spoofed by the porn industry as an excuse to sell some DVDs and engage in sex in the process. Today, we have the cover for what's being called the "official porn parody" of the golfer's exploits. Check it out below.

The movie is titled "Tiger's Wood" and stars Tyler Knight as Tiger and Kayden Kross as Tiger's wife Elin Nordegren. Other porn stars in the flick will play celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred and mistresses Rachel Uchitel and Jaimee Grubbs.

If you can't wait to get your copy of "Tiger's Wood," you'll be happy to know that Adam and Eve Pictures are planning to release it in porn shops and adult online stores in January.