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Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Most Beautiful Penis contest George Takei judges Ass Napkin Ed & High Pitch Erik

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George said he was looking forward to today’s Most Beautiful Penis contest: “You know, I love the smell of the crotch. There’s a wonderful scent there. … Particularly young ones.” George described the “peachy” or “fruity” crotch scent unique to young men aged 18 to 21, later noting that Nordic types often smell “cleaner, more astringent” than the “musky” scent of black men. (Howard promised to test George’s ability to differentiate race and age by crotch scent as soon as possible.)


Hidden behind curtains, four contestants poked their penises through a hole and allowed George to evaluate their junk--and only their junk--on its relative beauty.

George was shocked by contestant #1’s size: “They’ve got to show the whole thing. You’re kidding. That’s not the whole thing. … I hate to say it, but--the poor guy--is that it?” George later declared the nub “cute.”

George immediately wanted to touch contestant #2’s dick (#2 obliged: “Absolutely! I’d love to have you touch my cock, George.”), marveling at its pristine shape: ”This one here has cleanliness of color and [it’s] not very wrinkled.”

Fondling contestant #3, George was at a loss for words: “This has, um, proportion.”

Contestant #4 was easily the largest: “Oh yes! Now this is substantial.”

George then declared #2 the victor “in terms of beauty. Beauty alone. Proportion, color, texture.” Jack (aka contestant #2) admitted he wasn’t big: “It works great for anal sex. I love fucking chicks in the ass and it fits right in. … [but] if you look at Michelangelo's David, I have that same package.”

Howard then introduced the other contestants, including High Pitch Erik, aka Contestant #1: “Not only are you obese, but your belly is covered in pimples from shaving.” And Ass Napkin Ed, aka Contestant #3, who was too drunk to form a sentence
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