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If you had to pick one Wack-packer to leave the show who would you choose ?

Thursday, March 3, 2011


KACEY CHANNELS CHARLIEBrandon Iron's She Is Half My Age 4

Kacey said she got pregnant after sleeping with Charlie and, when she went to Oregon to take care of the pregnancy, was recognized at the abortion clinic: “The nurse was like, ‘Oh my gosh. I know who you are. Are you sure you want to abort this?’” Howard asked if Charlie encouraged the abortion, but Kacey denied it: “He didn’t.” Kacey said Charlie was “one of, like, three” men who could’ve been the father anyway. At least one of the other men was also a celebrity--but she won’t out him: “I don’t want to get blacklisted.”

Kacey said her Sheen-like lifestyle helped her with medical expenses: “I f’ my dentist...I’m going to get, like, $40,000 worth of veneers for free.” Just last night, she slept with a “random” guy: “I got Superman’d. Where the guy jizzes on your back and throws a sheet over it?” Kacey then stripped, showing off her infamous “fleshy” vagina: “I got tiger’s blood. I’m going to win this thing. Winning!” Lake Placid 3 (Unrated)

CAPRI ANDERSON, SHEEN BEAUTY PAGEANT CONTESTANT #2 The second contestant, Capri Anderson, told Howard she’d been in porn for 4 years: “Since I was 18.” Before the very-public end to their encounter, Charlie had hired her to come to an anonymous dinner party: “I didn’t know Denise Richards was going to be there. I only knew I was going to a dinner party...I actually didn’t know it was him until, like, minutes before the dinner.” Capri claimed that things seemed to be headed towards sex when Charlie just snapped and started throwing things around the room, forcing her to take refuge in the bathroom. Capri speculated the accusations that she stole Charlie’s watch were invented by his PR spin-doctors because he had also offered her a large sum of cash as ‘an apology.’ Capri thought Bree ‘Rachel’ Olsen, one of Charlie’s current live-in “goddesses,” was likely benefiting from that same generosity: “If he offered me that much in cash just to say sorry, I can imagine she’s getting a lot of money to stay around there.” MELANIE RIOS, SHEEN BEAUTY PAGEANT CONTESTANT #3 The third and final contestant, Melanie Rios, told Howard that Charlie once fell asleep inside her. Melanie claimed they’d hung out over 20 times but only had sex twice: “There was always a bevy of girls around him. It was hard to get him was more of a friendship.” Still, Charlie trusted her: “I got to drive the Bentley once or twice...[and] I got asked to babysit but it never came down to that.” Melanie said Charlie was always a good time: “He’s so much fun. It’s never boring to be around him...he always says, ‘At the end of the day, I’m still winning and all of you can suck my dick.’” Howard asked if Charlie had--as he claimed on Tuesday--a 8.5” penis, but Melanie denied it, estimating it was closer to 7 - 7.5”: “He has a really nice cock.” SHEEN RUMORS CONFIRMED Melanie said Charlie’s temper was fleeting: “He just yells and, uh...after a while, he’s right back to the party mode.” But his desire to staff a “porn house” was true: “He was actually really ready to start a family with just porn stars...just girls he could hang around with.” She was also present the time he was hospitalized for (what he claimed was) a hernia: “He was complaining about the pain and it was visible.” HERE SHE IS...MISS CHARLIE SHEEN Howard turned to his judges, and Gary cast the first vote for Kacey: “I am fascinated by the trainwreck that is Kacey.” Fred did the same: “Puffy pussy, she was pregnant by Charlie [maybe], she’s got tiger blood, she showed concern for him. she bangs her dentist--she’s got a very sexy barter system--she [once] did a fat guy hardcore, and she was actually jealous of Capri and Melanie.”All Teens 3 Ronnie also cast his vote for Kacey: “My vote is with the crazy girl.” JD registered the first vote for Capri: “Capri is the hottest chick with the hottest ass...I’m already following her on Twitter.” This prompted Fred-as-JD to ask, “Will you suck on a piece of plastic for me Capri?” Benjy voted for Kacey: “You have the Charlie Sheen attitude.” Given Kacey’s 4-1 lead, Robin and Howard’s votes didn’t matter, so Howard announced Kacey as the winner, netting her a $10,000 prize. Capri, the runner-up, took home a flat screen TV Flight Attendants
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