STAFF IQ TEST AND MISS HOWARD TV dECEMBER

STAFF IQ TEST-ROUND 2: RESULTS




















Howard then announced the results from lowest to highest--the first, with a score of 87, was Bobo. Bobo was crestfallen, fearing that all of his neighbors were listening: "I'm in bad shape...this is so damaging. I'm going to have to move." Eric the Midget was next with a score of 90, shrugging: "I guess it's a reasonable number." Steve Grillo registered a 99: "Figured that." Will the Farter came in one point higher at 100.

The staffers took the top three slots, starting with Mike Gange at 110--the lowest score he thought he could be happy with: "I would like to have been higher but at least 110 is my line." Jon Hein surprised everyone by tying Gary's 121: "When I walked out of the test--I told a couple people--I knew I didn't kill it." Will crowed over his victory--before the score was announced: "Scott! Suck my balls!" Howard then announced it as 130. Will pumped his fists: "Eat it! That's what's up!"

MEET VIVIAN VON QUEEF



























Before he left, Will the Farter introduced Howard to his protege, Vivian Von Queef, who discovered she could queef at the age of 12 by blowing bubbles in the bathtub. Vivian promptly stripped down to her thong and boots and queefed along to Silent Night, with Will the Farter’s accompaniment. Howard sang modified lyrics: 'Sleep in heavenly queef!' Later, Vivian jumped on the Sybian, but it had no effect: "I think you're going to mess up my queefing. You're going to de-tune my instrument."

NATALIE NICE, MISS HOWARDTV DECEMBER













Natalie Nice, Miss HowardTV for the month of December, stopped by to meet Howard. Natalie said she posed naked and hooked up with other women on her Website: "One time on a shoot I double-fisted a girl. It was really disturbing." Before doing porn, Natalie worked as a 'personal banker'--and housewife: "We actually met in a political studies class...I always wanted to go to law school. When I'm done with the Website, maybe."

Natalie showed Howard the large birthmark she had near her genitals: "I call it my Cindy Crawford pussy. I have a little beauty mark next to my pussy...in pictures it really sets me apart." Natalie said her Website's subscribers are her birthmark’s biggest fans--though some just want abuse: "A lot of guys on cam like to be humiliated. They ask for it. A lot of guys like small penis humiliation."

Howard asked Natalie to give him an example of 'small penis humiliation,' so she told him he wasn't hung like a man: "I wouldn't even consider you a girl." Howard had his fill immediately: "Ok that's enough for me." Natalie then jumped on the Sybian and, with a little coaching from Gange, Gary and Will, reached climax: "Easy, tiger! That felt good! That was definitely shaking me."