Little Lupe returns On The Howard Stern Show

'Little' Lupe Fuentes returned to show Howard her new (smaller) boob job: "Too big before." Robin thought Lupe's new breasts helped her look younger: "She actually looks 13 today." Howard told Lupe her new boobs matched his tiny penis, but Lupe was confused: "I don't believe you. I bet you have big--big huge cock." Robin laughed that Howard might have found his match: "She's a little girl. It might look big to her."

Lupe explained that she had to act larger than her 79lb frame when she lures other women into her bedroom, often commanding them: "Suck my pussy, bitch...all the girls suck my pussy." During these sex sessions, both of her dogs have to be locked away in an upstairs bedroom--where one recently died. The dog that survived has quite a future planned: "Her name is Lolita and she wants to become a porno star."












Howard asked Lupe how she felt about the BP oil spill, but Lupe was only peripherally aware of it: "What is that? The thing in the ocean?" Lupe said her interests weren't in the news: "I want my life to be party, f’ing, meeting girls, party." Lupe has come to expect nothing less: "I am a porno star. You have to have a huge cock

CHRIS ROCK & DAVID SPADE visit howard stern today ..

CHRIS ROCK & DAVID SPADE STOP BY

Chris Rock and David Spade stopped by to promote their new film, 'Grown Ups,’ and Chris immediately took Howard to task for his Carson-esque schedule: "You kind of work 2 and a half days a week." Chris laughed that Howard could've retired--like Johnny--in grand style and passed the torch to a worthy successor--Artie--but messed it up: "You find the one guy that would actually take your spot and you hop him up on heroin...you killed your Leno."

Howard tried to ask David about his 'ladies man' rep, but Chris cut in, claiming that David wasn't really a dog: "He's like a guy who likes wine...he savors the pussy." Howard understood, saying he always fears each time he has sex it will be his last time: "We're like guys on death row!" David stayed quiet, even denying that he was dating 'Top Chef' host Padma Lakshmi: "No, no, no. We're just, uh--we're just..."

WHO WAS PAID MORE?

Howard asked if the guys had negotiated their fees with 'Grown Ups' co-star/producer Adam Sandler, but Chris denied it: "I just say yes...there's a slight negotiation. It wasn't shit money." Chris refused to be specific: "Some of us are more highly paid than others...all of us have a career outside of this so I'm sure our pay reflects [that]." David said only one guy complained about the money--Rob Schneider: "Cause he's Rob and it's funny."

CHRIS WASN'T TAUNTING KOBE

Chris also denied that he was taunting Kobe Bryant during the NBA Finals: "No! I think I was talking to Spade." Chris said he was startled when Lakers head coach Phil Jackson took exception to something he'd said: "I was scared out of my f’ing mind. Cause he's big...it did catch me out of left field. Cause I've never--I've sat in those seats twenty times." Spade said he watched it all happen and thought Phil was just annoyed by all the interviews taking place on the court during timeouts.

THE PRESSURES OF ENSEMBLE COMEDIES

Chris said the success of 'Tropic Thunder' and 'The Hangover' lit a fire under the 'Grown Ups' cast: "We’ve got to come correct. I'm not ready to be out of work. And these guys are young. These guys are f’ing bringing it...I don't feel like being on the UPN."

DAVID SPADE ON LARA FLYNN BOYLE

Howard asked David about his relationship with actress Lara Flynn Boyle, and David confessed that it was a rocky affair. Howard wanted more detail: "Why did you fight with her so much?" David deflected: "She's crazy?" David had even less to say about dating Heather Locklear (post-Sambora): "There was a sticky situation there. Definitely."

HOW THEY WRITE THEIR ACTS

Chris told the crew how he writes his stand-up routines: "I write an hour and twenty minutes-worth of 'act'...then I go down to Florida. I go down to West Palm for about a week or two weeks. And I'll work down there for two weeks and I'll bring in, like, five guys to just watch me and they'll come up with tags for the stuff I already wrote." David said he often bought jokes from comedians--but only after he's seen them audience-tested: "I would give like five hundred bucks if it were a funny joke. [Maybe] a thousand bucks." 

howardstern.com

bANG mY dAD " wINNER " & SAL'S WEARING FAKE BAKE

THE 'BANG MY DAD' WINNER SCORED!

Howard welcomed Mark, yesterday's 'Bang My Dad' winner, and his daughter, Kelly, back to the studio—along with Mark's 'dates,' Cami and Cameron from the Bunnyranch--to report on his 'date.' Mark said he'd wasted no time when he got to the hotel room: "I joined right in right away. I wasn't going to let them have all the fun." Cami said she had a lot of fun: "I want to marry his penis."

Cami added that Mark shocked her with his ability to hold out: "I feel like Mark is a chronic masturbator because he [out-]lasted us [for] like two hours." Even Kelly was surprised by her dad's stamina: "I figured he'd be back in my room in five minutes." Cami said they weren't done after the sex: "We like to f’ 'em and feed 'em." Cameron explained: "So we took him out to dinner after." 

 

SAL'S WEARING FAKE BAKE

 came in to say he wasn't jealous, as Howard once gave him a shoebox-sized rotisserie, but Howard was more interested in his odd skin color. Sal explained: "I'm wearing Fake Bake...in the morning it's hard to see and my wife doesn't want me to spray it in the house...it's dark out in the morning. I get up at 4. So now I have to go in the backyard and I spray myself in the reflection in the window." The spray finds its way into everything: "When I blow my nose, it's, like, black." Sal later admitted: "After what happened with me and my wife, I became extremely insecure."

Donna , The 600 LB model & OMAROSA talks to Howard Stern

DONNA, THE 600LB FETISH MODEL Howard welcomed a 600lb fetish model named Donna to the studio and asked if her family was concerned about her goal of eating her way to 1,000 pounds: "Is everyone in a panic about you?" Donna said he whole family was big: "No they're just used to it. My whole family was raised with like ‘eateateateateat.’ So it's like, 'Oh, she's just eating. She's just fat.'" Howard wondered how Donna got around, noting that she seemed to be winded just coming in from the greenroom, but she just laughed: "Why get around?" Donna explained her appeal in the fat-fetish world: "In the world of the fat community, the bigger you are, the sexier you are, the curvier you are...the better it is." Robin thought the weight could put a strain on Donna's heart, but Donna said she tried to find ways around physical activity: "You figure out ways to do things." Like wiping her ass: "They have certain attachments that can reach." DONNA'S WEIGHT-GAIN DIET Donna said she sometimes ate 70-80 pieces of sushi at a time ("I can go crazy on the sushi.") and tried to ingest an average 3000-4000 calories a day: "It hasn't been hard for me to reach my weight now. But it seems to be at a standstill." Her usual breakfast would stop most anybody's heart: "Maybe like six English muffins...that's it."  Donna told Howard she rarely had difficulties in the romance department: "I never had trouble finding a man." Her fiancé, Phillippe, then came in to say he met Donna online: "I explored the Internet until I met Donna in person...the happiest men are the men who can explore their fetishes and end up with someone who embodies their fetish." Phillipe said he had high hopes for Donna ("Fatness is a journey...we know 1000lbs is not going to happen tomorrow but it's a journey.") and personally washed her every day: "It's a privilege." OMAROSA IS NOT DULL Reality TV star, Omarosa stopped by to promote her new dating show, ‘The Ultimate Merger,’ and told the crew she owed her success to her childhood in the projects: "My father's murder served as a motivator for me." Howard said Omarosa's rough-and-tumble upbringing recently surfaced during a heated on-air argument with Wendy Williams, so Omarosa explained: "I said she should get a better wig...there are times when I'm at my best and times when I'm not." Howard played coy ("You don't seem so abrasive. You seem like a lovely woman. Am I missing something here?") and played a clip of Omarosa being attacked on 'The Bonnie Hunt Show.' Omarosa shrugged it off: "The reason that Bonnie's show was cancelled is because she's wack...she's a dull woman. I'm so happy that she's going away." OMAROSA IN THE BEDROOM Howard asked about Omarosa's sex life, but she balked at detail: "When I was married, my husband was very pleased." The marriage crumbled because "he was a rock and I was a rabbit." Omarosa said her search for love on 'The Ultimate Merger' was genuine, as she sincerely believes "there are men who are attracted to very strong women." She said the show has finished filming ("I only made out with three guys."), so now she's sneaking around--and sleeping with--the winner (she has to sneak until the show finale airs): "I'm in lust." SHE'S BEEN STABBED 7 TIMES Perhaps to prove her status as a 'very strong' woman, Omarosa showed Howard that she'd been stabbed 7 times: "I grew up in the projects!" She had 5 knife wounds on the arms, one by her hairline and another on her lower back. Omarosa was prouder of her chest: "These are the best breasts money can buy." Before she left, Ralph called in to say that Omarosa's personality was grating, but she claimed that was the point: "The truth of the matter is I am smarter than you." BEN STERN ON THE BP OIL LEAK A caller asked for Ben Stern's assessment of the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, so Howard got his father on the line. Ben said it was a "tremendous tragedy" that was out of President Obama's control: "It doesn't mean he can do anything. What can he do...like what happened in Haiti, you can't blame anybody. It's nature." Ben continued, saying Obama's only error was trusting BP: "He went by what BP told him...he didn't think they were pulling the wool over his eyes. He thought they had some kind of technical information!" By Howardstern.com

Hillbilly Jack is the new Wack Packer ...

BIGFOOT IS THE WACK PACK REPRESENTATIVE

Bigfoot came down from “Amont” to judge this year's Next Top Wack Packer contest, as he'd won last year’s, and told the crew his pink pants were part of a suit--and not "ajamas." Bigfoot went on to complain that trouble follows him wherever he goes: he was recently maced after refusing to give a cigarette to some teenager and got a seatbelt ticket on the way to the show. Bigfoot claimed he couldn't figure out why he got hassled so much.

Bigfoot also had a problem understanding why the state was always trying to institutionalize him, speculating that it was over his "gas problems"--he burps, coughs, sneezes and farts a lot--or the state of Vermont's desire to control his money. Bigfoot later explained that he accumulated said assets by selling cigarettes for 35 - 50 cents a pop: "It depends how much I hate them."

NEXT TOP WACK PACKER CONTESTANT #1

The first Next Top Wack Packer, Hillbilly Jack, told the crew he was 50 years old and lived with his mom in Pennsylvania. After learning Jack kept his teeth in jar, Howard asked if Jack knew he looked like Granny from 'The Beverly Hillbillies.' Jack nodded: "My mom looks like her too." Jack said he'd studied botany at Pitt, but has since become a drinker and drug user--he grows the pot he smokes. Howard was excited by Jack's resume: "You have the laugh, you have the attitude, you grow weed. You’re a--you're a mess! You graduated from the University of Pittsburgh and you can't even add eight plus seven."

CONTESTANT #2: FREDDY

The second contestant, Freddy, said he was a 53 years old karaoke lover and the "mascot" for a few bands in his hometown. Freddy sang a little and told the crew about his traumatic car accident, but his prostate issues, his promise to put the Next Top Wack Packer prize money in the bank--and the fact that he has a wife at home--left Fred feeling Freddy was "Way too normal for this bunch." 

CONTESTANT #3: GRAVEYARD GREG

The third contestant, Greg, was a wheelchair-bound man from Pennsylvania who spoke with a deep slow whisper. Under questioning, Greg said he loved to grab women's breasts. Bigfoot was impressed: "I think he'd make a great wack packer." Later, Greg began contorting his body and challenging Howard to bizarre tests--Howard was freaked out: "Greg. Get in your chair. Are you shitting? I'm not taking the challenge."

CONTESTANT #4: ROBERT THE RETARD CROSS DRESSER

The fourth contestant, Robert, was a cross-dresser who hoped to use today's prize money to pay for a sex change operation: "I used to dress up in women's dresses and my mom said I was a lot prettier than my sisters...my mom wanted me to be a girl and I just want to follow my mom's wishes." Robert also reported that he was legally retarded and on both SSI and SSA support checks from the government.

Robert said he was into women, but never had sex with them: "I've had girls all day and all night." Robert admitted that he only used his penis for pleasure in private. Howard asked: "Would you say you're confused sexually?" Robert nodded: "A little bit." While Robert denied ever having sex with a real woman, he did confess to trying to f’ a blow up doll: "One time. My father bought two of ‘em. She blew up in my bed...I took the pump and pumped her up too far and she blew up." 

HE NEXT TOP WACK PACKER

Bigfoot registered his vote for Greg: "He talks real slow. It's funny. I like that." Robin voted for Robert and Gary for Hillbilly Jack: "He makes me laugh." Fred registered a second vote for Greg, saying Greg should be asked to do the weather every day. Ronnie the Limo Driver agreed: "I thought it was gonna be Jack, but I'd much rather have Greg." But Jack took the $5,000 prize by sweeping the rest of the votes: Howard ("Without a doubt."), Will ("Jack is the man.") and Jason: "His laugh is infectious." Gary later promised Greg a future as well: "It's almost like 'American Idol.' We're still going to use Greg on the show. howardstern.com

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AN UPDATE ON SAL'S MARRIAGE

Sal came in to tell the crew his wife had sex with him last week--once: "It was pretty good. She said, 'Speed it up.' You know...It took a little while to heat up." Howard asked if Christine was turned on, but Sal was unsure: "Somewhat." Sal said he got things started with a simple slap on the butt: "The kids were away and she just got out of the shower. So I patted her on the ass." Christine made him shower first, as he hadn�t taken one since going fishing earlier in the day.

Sal said he also went a bike ride with his family over the break (after purchasing not one, but TWO bikes for Christine--the second had a cute basket) and nearly broke down from stress over their safety: "I just wanted to throw them all in the dumpster behind Red Lobster and leave!" Before he left, Sal told the crew that--like Howard--he'd once masturbated to a mental image of his wife: "When I was done, I was like, 'Wow,' this is legitimate...I think Carter was in office."howardstern.com