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Thursday, April 3, 2008

Gary the retard , made history again !! Great show !

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR “GARYPALOOZA” Howard started off the show announcing that today was going to be a “Garypalooza”: the show will be introducing Gary the Retard to Hitler, Angelina Jolie, and Abraham Lincoln - and then sending him to the moon. Howard showed the crew the “spaceship” they had built explaining how Gary would get into the ship and be “launched”/dragged to the green room, which was set up to look like the moon. Isaac Mark from HowardTV came in to add that they've hidden various things around the “moon” for Gary to find, like cheese and a Playboy magazine. ERIC THE GOATEED MIDGET'S ANGELS Eric the Midget called in to say his modeling agency will be open soon, but he's yet to start searching for his models in strip clubs. Howard asked Eric if he had ever had a woman in his bedroom, and Eric admitted that he did not. HowardTV then brought up Eric's webcam feed on the in-studio monitors, and Howard laughed that Eric was growing a mustache. Eric insisted that he was not only growing a mustache, but also a goatee. GARY THE RETARD ON COMEDY SHOW PROTOCOL Howard welcomed Gary the Retard to his 56th birthday celebration – Garypalooza! - and asked him if it was true that he was attracted to Miss Howard Stern. Gary replied that he would like to marry Miss Howard Stern, as he liked to masturbate while he fantasized about her and was afraid someone had chained her up in a basement. Howard also asked why Gary recently used the n-word on stage at a Killers of Comedy show in Texas, but Gary thought it was normal; “That's what people say at comedy shows.” LET GARYPALOOZA BEGIN! Richard came in as the doctor who delivered Gary and admitted that he dropped baby Gary on his head; “He was a genius when he was born - he came out doing math problems. I thought he was going to be the next Einstein, but I slipped up and dropped him.” Gary threatened to sue, so Richard promised to cure him of his retardation (by pushing the “reset button” located on his prostate inside his rectum) instead. Gary didn't want to hear it and insisted he'd rather be retarded and “with Howard” than normal. When Richard asked Gary if he ever had wondered what 9 times 9 was, Gary immediately answered “81!” Richard thought this could only mean that somebody had already pushed his “reset button,” but Gary strenuously denied that anyone had stuck anything up there. Will Murray then came in as “Angelina Jolie,” but Gary thought “Angelina” looked too much a like a guy for him. “Angelina” offered to have sex with Gary, but Gary vehemently refused, citing his last appearance, when Benjy fooled him by dressing up as a woman. Fred then came in as “Don Imus” to offer Gary a job on his show for $10 a week, but Gary told him; “You know bluh blay fun of this man...get out here!” THE FIRST RETARD ON THE MOON Howard welcomed the next celebrity to say hi to Gary, Richard as “Adolph Hitler,” who told Gary about his new anti-Jew spray. Gary didn't show much interest, so Howard apologized for not being able to get good enough birthday surprise guests. Howard said he had one last guest to make up for it all: Sal as “President Abraham Lincoln.” “President Lincoln” invited Gary to be the first retard on the moon, and Gary accepted.
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