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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Artie and Lisa G Blowout !

Howard started off the show saying he belittled his psychiatrist yesterday and was starting to feel bad about it: "He told me to bring my anger into the room and I said, 'Ok. Here's my anger and I'll direct it at you'...I'm just a horrible person and I've come to the conclusion that I should quit therapy." Artie said he was also struggling with his shrink: "I can remember anyone’s phone number. It's weird...but this guy I gotta keep looking it up. It's like I'm fighting it." Howard referenced the shrink Robin used to see: "Did she quit you or all therapy? I have a feeling she just quit you." Robin claimed the woman quit completely - and then revealed she'd been replaced: "I do talk to someone. A counselor. I'm not telling you who...she's a doctor. I'm not in therapy but I have someone I talk to when I need guidance." Howard asked if the woman was a life coach, but Robin denied it, saying the woman was a psychologist: "I use her when I need her." Later, Robin repeated: "It's not treatment." ARTIE & GARY'S MEDICAL OUTLOOK Artie said the tests his "wellness doctor" ran on him last week all came back great: "Even my liver improved." Howard asked Artie to be honest about how long he's been totally off drugs, so Artie said, "Everything everything? Its been about 4 weeks...heroin is Christmas Eve. Opiates has been about two months." Howard doubted Artie's claims, but Artie insisted he was being truthful. Howard brushed him off: "I don't care anymore. You take care of your stuff and I'll take care of my stuff." Gary noted that he went to the doctor yesterday to have a sonogram (a procedure usually performed on pregnant women) to take a look at his kidney stone: "One of my kidneys is a little backed up so I have to go back in and have [the stone] ultrasound blasted again." ROBIN TAKES ARTIE'S SIDE Robin agreed that the Howard100 News' scrutiny can make her feel like the people who work for the show are not on her side, but Howard disagreed: "We have to have a playful attitude about everything we do." Artie disagreed: "I'm somebody's son. Tell [Lisa] to choke on it." Howard thought Artie was upset about something else: "Something's eating you today." Artie blamed his diet: "Because I'm not eating...I didn't sleep well last night. I'm a little cranky. But get this broad away from me. She's creepy." ARTIE & LISA G FIGHT! Lisa G reported that she called Dr. Drew yesterday, and Drew told her that Artie's self-administered attempt at rehab would fail - but refused to confirm Artie's claim that "Celebrity Rehab" had approached him to appear on the show's next season. Artie was angered by the story: "Why would he? Are you a dumbass? Why don't you call the producers?" Howard asked why he was being so mean to Lisa, and Artie blew up: "I hate her guts. I don't like her...f’ her. Someone better f’ her...Bitch." Howard told Artie to calm down, but Artie continued: "F’ her. Keep her away from me. When I'm near her, I'm disheveled." Artie blamed Howard for the problem: "You started a news department because you live clean...she's creepy...she'd love to waddle in here on her spindly legs and say, 'Artie failed!'...I think Lisa would like me to fail. I think Langford would love it. They would come in here and report with glee." FINAL ARGUMENTS & AN APOLOGY Fred asked if Lisa called Dr. Drew or if Drew called her, so Lisa G explained that she was the one who called: "I call people all the time about things that happen on the show." Artie didn't care: "Don't ever do it about me again. Unless you want me to hit on you...you call somebody and that's a story? You're a regular Jimmy Breslin." Lisa said she wouldn't stoop to Artie's level, and Artie laughed: "I don't want you on my level. I want to be on a level all by myself." Lisa said she had one more story, so Artie joked: "What? Did you call Mars about Fred or something?" Later, Robin admitted it was nice to see the news department get theirs: "Its about time they got a little bit [of flak]...they make life miserable around here." Scott the Engineer also came in to ask how Artie could be upset with a little scrutiny after lying on the air so many times, and Artie agreed: "Scott, you made a great point, and I officially apologize to Lisa G."
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