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Saturday, September 17, 2011

John King of all balls visits howard stern



Howard welcomed a man named John to the studio, noting that John had unusually large testicles: “His balls are basically the size of a large watermelon.” It took several minutes for John to make his way into the studio before he wheezed that moving his balls around--and their pillow-topped resting place--wasn’t easy: “I put a pillow on top of the milk crate that I turn upside down.”

John said he last weighed his balls at 72lbs, so Howard had step over to the in-studio scale. With a (plastic-gloved) hand from Richie Wilson, the crew weighed John’s balls at 145lbs. John said people often stare on street (“I expect that. But the ones who stare too much, I stare back with a Jersey stare.”), not that he had such a great life before his balls blew up: “Not particularly because I’m not a very attractive person.


John said he first injured his balls getting out of bed a couple of years ago: “I slammed my right leg down so hard on my right ball...oddly enough, it’s not the worst pain.” Now it’s a struggle just to poop: “I have to bend over slightly and put a slot machine bucket back there...over the sink.” Even worse, his balls have swallowed his penis: “As the ball-sack continued to grow, it sucked in my dick. It’s created, essentially, a c-hole.”

John then--with some effort--whipped his balls out of the upside-down hoodie sweatshirt he uses as pants as Howard screamed: “Is that your penis?!” John nodded: “Inside the hole.” Robin turned away: “Oh, I’m gonna be...” John said he’d visited a surgeon who can fix the problem, but it’ll cost him cash he doesn’t have--and, essentially, his penis: “He says [I should] expect to pee through a tube for the rest of my life and never have sex again.” Dr. Billy Goldberg, Doctor Radio’s resident ER expert, came in later to report: “I’ve seen some big balls in my day...those are the biggest

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