The History of Howard Stern: Act III

The History of Howard Stern: Act III

Hottest Cougar Contest

KARRI, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #1 Howard welcomed Karri, the first Hottest Cougar contestant, to the studio and noted she was a divorced 42-year-old promotional model and mother of three. Karri told the crew she often ended up dating younger men, even if it wasn't what she was looking for: "When you're my age, it's either a younger guy or a really old guy with a potbelly." Howard couldn't figure out why anyone would divorce Karri, and she explained her ex-husband had an insatiable fetish for Asian women. When Karri showed the crew her best asset – her ass, Howard immediately demanded seconds: "Lemme see that ass again! It's marvelous. My god." Karri noted that one of her son's friends had also noticed her body: "He said, 'Do you run a lot?' And I said yeah. So he was like, 'Cause you got great legs.' And he's 15!" Howard laughed: "You're a freak of nature...and I mean that in the nicest way." Howard then ran Karri through the 'personality'/quiz portion of the competition: Have you ever slept with a black guy? "No." Name three ways you can tell someone's Jewish. "First it's the nose...[and] of course it's the holidays, [so] whether or not they're celebrating Christmas...third would be how the date goes. Where they take you and how much they spend." If forced to exterminate any race of people, which would it be? "Asians!" (which she blamed on her ex-husband). BJ, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #2 Howard then welcomed the second contestant, BJ, a 38-year-old bartender and mother of three – who denied that 'BJ' was a nickname: "I've been BJ since I was two." BJ said her husband entered her in the contest, as she doesn't consider herself a cougar: "It’s tough coming over to the cougar age." Appropriately, BJ went on to blow the 'personality' quiz: Describe your most embarrassing sexual experience. "Um..." What is your best talent? "I can chug a beer in like three seconds." What do you hate most about men? "Jealousy and, um, there's so many things about them. Wait – I don't mean that. I wait on them a lot." Do you secretly wish your husband's penis was bigger? "Well, sure." THERESA, HOTTEST COUGAR CONTESTANT #3 Theresa, the final contestant, laughed that she was much older than the others – she's 50 – and even had breasts that were fully grown: "They're fake. They're 20-years-old though." Theresa said she listened to the show every day and loved everything but Richard Christy's bathing habits: "He needs to practice better hygiene, I think." Theresa didn't bomb but also didn't ace the 'personality' quiz: If forced to exterminate any race of people, which would it be? "Maybe the Turks because they've always invaded everybody over the years." What invention has been most beneficial to your life? "Probably birth control." What relative would you sacrifice if it meant world peace? "My brother, he’s older than me." THE STAFF PICKS THE HOTTEST COUGAR Fred voted for Karri: "She's a divorcee and she's very aggressive." Gary agreed: "I like Karri the best...once the pants came off it was like a whole different thing." Robin dissented: "I was mesmerized by BJ's abs." Howard registered the deciding vote for Karri: "She's dating younger men so she really fits the definition of a cougar." Karri then celebrated her Hottest Cougar title: "Gosh! I feel so complimented." Howard was also blown away by Claudia, the founder of the Hottest Cougar contest sponsor, who came in to present Karri with the giant check.

Snoop Dogg Pimps Howard's Wife ( Beth O )

Snoop Dogg stopped by to promote his new album, 'Malice In Wonderland,' and his new SiriusXM channel, Snoop Dogg Nation, on Sirius channel 40 and XM 67. Snoop told the crew his weed-free days were short-lived: "I stopped for about 120 days." Snoop said he was high right now ("Wake and bake.") and smoked anywhere between ten and a hundred joints/blunts a day, thanks to his medical marijuana card (migraines and blurred vision): "If they make it legal you better believe I'm gonna have a shop called Snoopy's and you can come and get some." Howard asked Snoop about attending Long Beach Polytechnic High School at the same time as Cameron Diaz, so Snoop laughed: "She went to a hood school...she was a cheerleader slash, uh...she was very well loved and received. She was cool with all the homies." Snoop said he's since given up on the lifestyle he lived back then: "I've renounced gang-banging...when you get to the age I'm at, you become a mentor...they all want to get to the place where they've 'made it' in life." Snoop answered Howard's questions on his Heathrow dust-up ("They don't let me in London no more. I've been banned...I think they're still living in the 1800s.") and how he relates to Tiger Woods: "You know what Howard? It's hard...me and my wife's relationship now is about respect." After the last answer, Robin asked: "Are you telling me that you just hide it now?" Snoop replied that he and his wife had simply reached "the level of respect where I just don't do it anymore." SNOOP PRICES BETH AT $10,000 After telling Howard he'd given up his harem of prostitutes ("I had to shut my operation down and pass it over to [Don] 'Magic' Juan."), Snoop left – and ran into Beth O on his way out. Howard wanted to know how much Snoop would've charged his Johns for a night with her. Snoop called back in with an answer: $10,000 a night. howardstern.com

50 Cent Talks to Howard Stern and Cries ?

DOES 50 KNOW THE ROLL CALL Howard bet Lisa G that 50 Cent would not know what the Roll Call was and Lisa almost sounded offended by the suggestion. But when Howard asked him, 50 had no idea what he was talking about, even when he added their original name, “The roll call with Ed, Lisa and Dre.” Howard then explained how it works and invited 50 to participate in Celebrity Roll Call. 50 Cent sounded confused by the whole thing and did not give one of his best rap performances but did say that, after hearing it, he did remember the Roll Call from back in the day. Howard kidded Lisa about how he had been right about 50 not knowing, but Lisa thought the fact that he said he did remember it after hearing them play it meant that Howard was wrong. As she continued to argue, Artie laughed that she sounded like she was really offended by the suggestion that 50 Cent didn’t know the Roll Call. 50 CENT CLEANS UP After finishing with the Roll Call, Howard asked 50 Cent if it was true that he had had his tattoos removed to make it easier to get movie roles. 50 said it was partially true, he had the tattoos on his arms removed because he used to have to go to the makeup trailer at 6AM to have them covered when he did movies that required them to be covered. Howard wondered if it was true that there are 18 bedrooms in the mansion 50 bought from Michael Tyson and 50 confirmed it. Robin wanted to know if had made love in each of them and 50 shot right back that he was saving one just for her. Howard had also heard that 50 sometimes caries as much as $25,000 in cash on him, and he said it was true, but when Howard asked him to empty his pockets, 50 said it was too early in the morning for him to be carrying cash. When Howard asked if he was ever afraid to carry that much cash around, 50 just laughed and claimed $25,000 was nothing when you consider that he sometimes wears a $300,000 watch. 50 CRIES ON COMMAND Howard read that 50 Cent was able to make himself cry on command and asked how he was able to do that as he had to use onions to make himself cry for a scene in “Private Parts.” 50 explained that he thinks about some pain memories of his childhood. Howard wondered if was talking about his father, but 50 revealed that he never knew his father and was referring to the time he moved into his grandparents house after his mother died when he was 8 years old. When Howard told 50 about how his own grandmother died when his mother was 9, 50 started crying – which amazed Howard. MAGNUMS FOR 50 CENT Howard read that 50 Cent had almost invested in a company that was developing a condom that helped guys last longer and 50 said it was true, but he didn’t end up investing because they were unable to make one. While on the subject, Howard asked if 50 used Magnum Condoms and he said he did, so Howard asked how long his penis was. 50 claimed he has never measured himself, but did say he loved how big it was and added: “I have a curve Robin.” howardstern.com I have a feeling that 50 cent knew the roll call but , did not want to freestyle ! HUmMMMMMMMM??? Why ?? thoughts

Kim & Khloe Kardashian visit the howard stern show

KIM AND KHLOE KARDASHIAN Kim and Khloe Kardashian stopped by to promote the upcoming fourth season of their E! reality series "Keeping Up with the Kardashians." Howard wondered what it was like to be reality show stars and they talked about how much they loved working with Ryan Seacrest to make the show. Howard asked Kim about her sex-tapes, but she would only say that no one likes when something like that happens. Howard wanted to know what it was like when their father, Robert Kardashian, was defending OJ. The girls explained that they knew the Simpsons before the murders and felt that their father really believed in OJ’s innocence. They said that something must have happened between OJ and their dad because they never saw OJ again after the trial. Howard wondered if their dad left their mom or if it was the other way around and Khloe said that it was their mom who left, adding that it was only five months later that she started dating her current husband, Bruce Jenner. Howard thought Bruce had gone a little too far with the plastic surgery and girls explained how he had fixed his nose in the final episode of the last season’s show. They also talked about how they really loved Bruce and how he was very considerate of their love for their father. THE KARDASHIAN GIRLS LOVE THE ATHLETES Howard asked Khloe about her new husband, Lamar Odom, who plays for the LA Lakers. Khloe explained how they met at a party and ended up hanging out all night – and then running into each other again the next day by chance. Howard wondered how long it took before they first slept together and Khloe revealed that it was 4 days. Khloe added that they got married exactly 30 days after they first met. Howard asked about the rumors that they weren’t really married and that they had a very detailed prenup that included giving Khloe things like $1,000 a month for hair and makeup and court-side season tickets to the Lakers. Khloe laughed and insisted that all the rumors were false. Howard then asked Kim about her relationship with New Orleans Saints’ running back, Reggie Bush. Kim confirmed they were dating but, unlike her sister, would not comment on the size of his penis as that kind of talk made her uncomfortable. Howard asked if she thought they would get married, but Kim explained she was married for 4 years when she was 19, so she was in no hurry this time around. Artie thought it was amazing that the two girls were involved with two of the top guys on two of the top teams in their sports. Khloe joked that they needed to hook their sister up with a NY Yankee, and Artie shot back – stay away from the Yankees. ONE’S OPEN, THE OTHER ISN’T When the girls started talking about the dietary supplement they’ve been promoting, one of them noted how it helped make her “regular,” prompting Howard to ask which of the two made the biggest doody. Kim seemed very embarrassed by the question, but not half as embarrassed as she was when Khloe claimed Kim took the biggest poops in the family as evidenced by the odor she left behind. Kim was mortified, and Khloe just laughed and said she was kidding, adding that she loved to f’ with her sister. A caller asked if the girls would get on the Sybian, and, while Howard didn’t bother to ask the girls if they would, he did ask if either a used vibrator when masturbating. Again, Kim wouldn’t answer, but Khloe happily admitted to doing so. Howard continued to push Kim, but she said she never talks about these kinds of things. Before they left, Khloe told Howard he should let Kim corn-row his hair and Artie offered to do black-face for a chance to date either sister. TUESDAY MORNING LIVE WITH KENAN THOMPSON Seven year “Saturday Night Live” veteran, Kenan Thompson, stopped by to say hello this morning and Howard noted that he was “one funny dude.” Howard apologized for running late with the Kardashians but Kenan said no problem as the girls seemed to be so into black guys. Howard asked about a recent Tiger Woods’ sketch Kenan had done and Kenan said they had gotten some heat from some activist groups about doing a sketch involving family violence when Rhianna was also on the same show – but ended up doing the bit anyway. Kenan noted that he had lost some weight recently, or he wouldn’t have been able to do the Tiger sketch – but not enough for him to play President Obama. Howard asked Kenan what it was like for a guy who had never done stand-up to go through the SNL audition which featured doing a stand-up set at a comedy club in front of people like Lorne Michaels and Tina Fey. Kenan said that it was tough and he had spent a while with his manager going over a routine but ended up mostly improvising a phone call between Rev. Al Sharpton and Governor Schwarzenegger. He said he was terrified and doesn’t really know what he said, but it must have been funny enough to get him the job. Howard asked Kenan if he thought participating in the writing process helped in getting air time on SNL. Kenan said it absolutely did, adding that he really enjoyed coming up with premises and then working with the writers to refine them into bits. EDDIE MURPHY-PHOBIA When asked if he had gotten to work with any of the SNL alumni, Kenan said that Dan Aykroyd visits the set a lot and is always cool and that he got to meet Dennis Miller recently. Robin asked if he’d gotten to meet Eddie Murphy yet, but Kenan said he hadn’t, adding that he’s kind of afraid to as Eddie is one of his idols and he doesn’t want the meeting to go wrong. Howard took some calls for Kenan and the first caller wanted to know if any SNL guests had ever given him “wood.” Kenan would only admit that he was attracted to Megan Fox and that Taylor Swift was also very good looking. Another caller wanted to know if the rumor was true that he had eaten his “Kenan & Kel” co-star, Kel Mitchell. Kenan just laughed and thanked the caller for boosting his self-esteem. AN UPDATE FROM JD Howard noted that JD had turned up so he invited him into the studio for an update. JD said he had to leave soon for his doctor’s appointment but told Howard that he had not gotten any sleep the night before and was having “stomach issues,” although he did take a dump this morning that helped. He said he did take the Zoloft that the clinic doctor had given him, but wasn’t sure if it was working or not. Howard was surprised by JD’s condition as he thought he was the last one around there to snap. JD acknowledged this, and added that he didn’t think he was having a breakdown, he was just having a hard time “sleeping and stuff.” Howard told JD that he shouldn’t worry about not sleeping, explaining that he would eventually fall asleep. Howard instructed JD to just lie in his bed and close his eyes and, even if he doesn’t sleep, he’d get some rest and then, after a couple of days he would eventually fall asleep. Robin noted that she suffered from insomnia for a while and was never able to sleep using Howard’s method. Howard asked if JD had tried jerking off and JD said he had not – so Howard added that to his prescription, to “get that stuff out of your system.” Howard added that JD’s fast-food prone diet was also probably something that needed to change as that kind of food was not good for health. Howard reminded JD that he loved him and advised him to come in tomorrow to work out a more comfortable work schedule to lessen his stress. JD announced that he had to leave so he wouldn’t be late for his doctor’s appointment and Howard offered to go with him if he thought that would help. JD declined the offer. IT’S TIME FOR ROBIN’S NEWS Are you ready for 3D football? A hostess went crazy for DJ. Hulk Hogan is engaged? Diane Sawyer is almost done at GMA. There are a million stories about Tiger Woods. Tiger’s mother-in-law is in the hospital. Sarah Palin’s popularity is growing for some reason. Someone tried to peg Palin with tomatoes, but hit a cop instead. When should you talk about sex with your kids? Brad Pitt to play Vlad the Impaler. The FDA is investigating the radiation levels in brain scans. Social rats seem to suffer less cancer. An HIV-positive guy in New Zealand infected his wife with HIV so she’d have sex with him. Military families suffer from more stress. Senator Harry Reid put his foot in his mouth. Same sex marriage is almost legal in New Jersey. Sade has a new single. Matt Damon talks about working with Clint Eastwood. Mark Wahlberg is in “The Lovely Bones.” howardstern.com

Howard Stern's Roll Call

lisa g Shawnda was definitely a caller to the Ed, Lisa and Dre show on Hot 97. Howard seems to think its was pre-recorded, but Lisa G. insists its not. I used to listen to them back in the day. Certain parts were absolutely pre-recorded, but the callers were not. I love this shit. I loved it. Great fucking radio........ plus when that asshole called in and said he sent howard some soup can labels taped to a canvas and howard said it would end up in the trash that was fucking great. GO GET SIRIUS RADIO!!!