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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Stripper Idol

STRIPPER IDOL CONTESTANT #1 Howard announced the start of the Stripper Idol competition and welcomed Ava, the first contestant, who told Howard she came over from Russia a year ago. Howard asked, "Were you kidnapped?" Ava denied it: "I came here [on] vacation and never came back." Robin joked that she must've previously worked as a doctor in Russia, leading Ava to reply: "Actually, I was a journalist...I was always write about fashion." Robin asked if she liked being a stripper more, but Ava shrugged: "It's so different." Howard told Ava, "You've got some body on you," but the phrase didn't translate for her: "Somebody on me?" Ava then sang "New York, New York" and her accent mangled some of the lines: "King of the heeeel!" Robin gave Ava a 6: "The singing was ok." Sam gave her a 4: "She obviously learned the song phonetically." Fred only gave her a 5: "Because there was no nudity." Artie went with an 8: "She's manlier than Adam Lambert." Howard also gave her an 8. JULIANNA, STRIPPER IDOL CONTESTANT #2 The second contestant, Julianna, said she immigrated from Kyrgyzstan two years ago. Sam joked: "How big was the box?" Julianna then stripped down for her performance of the Kyrgyzstan national anthem - but Artie gave her a 10 before she even started: "Those are the best tits I've ever seen." Robin gave her a 6: "It was a moving rendition." Sam went with a 5 and Fred an 8: "Since she got topless." Howard also gave her an 8. Artie stayed with the 10 he gave Julianna initially and recited an impromptu poem he'd written for her: "Me and you would have a brilliant lifeplan. For you, I'd move to Kyrgyzstan. Even though I look like I have the shits, I'd marry you and your perfect tits."The third (and only American) contestant, Stacy, said she had a degree in biology from the University of Central Florida but got into stripping for "money and fun." Stacy sang - or really, talked - a deadpan version of Lady Gaga's “Pokerface." Robin gave her a 5: "I can't rate you higher than the other singers." Sam gave her a 9 and Fred gave her a 7: "[But] on nipples alone she should be a 10." Artie waffled, eventually settling on an 8: "I see a big future for her in the Blowing Me industry." Howard also gave her an 8. HERE SHE IS, MISS STRIPPER IDOL After tie-breaking votes from Artie and Robin, Howard awarded Julianna the title of Stripper Idol. Julianna gracefully thanked Rick's Cabaret and the show and again sang the Kyrzygstan national anthem.
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