Sir paul, Eric The Midget & Jeff The Drunk Visit Howard Stern Today

SIR PAUL SINGS FOR THE LADIES Sir Paul McCartney stopped by to promote his latest project, "Electric Arguments," and presented Howard with a signed Hofner bass, just like the one he plays. Howard was blown away and thanked him - and promptly started in with the questions, asking if the record's darker tone "could be" due to his recent divorce. Howard asked Paul how he liked single life, so Paul complained it was getting pretty bad - all he has to do is greet a woman in public (like Christie Brinkley or Renee Zellweger) and the media immediately reports that he's dating them. Robin wondered if Paul had, as rumored, dated Rosanna Arquette, but Paul would only say that "there were some ladies during that summer that I dated." WAS JOHN HOT FOR PAUL? Howard asked what Paul thought about the rumors that John Lennon might have been in love with him, and Paul went off: "We spent many drunken nights together and nothing like that ever [came out]...You can make up theories about anything, and particularly with the Beatles, that's what happens." Robin then threw her hat into the ring, saying she'd like to fill John's shoes: "You need someone to be with...I think we'd be very happy together. I'm low-maintenance." Paul, however, turned her down. Reminded of Ringo's recent "no more signatures" video, Paul said, "You've got to love Ringo. The truth is, Ringo was always like that. Fans would come to his door and he would say 'piss off.'" Howard wondered how Ringo ever joined the band, so Paul explained: "We were just a fan of Ringo's drumming...one night Pete [Best] was ill, and Ringo sat in and we were like, 'Oh.'" WHY? BECAUSE ERIC THE MIDGET WANTS TO Eric the Midget called in to discuss his "American Idol" commentary show, so Howard played a few clips from the show in which the introduction was riddled with technical difficulties and Eric yelled at the show's listeners/commenters. Howard compared the clips to the Batman radioplays he made as a child, noting that even those recordings were better produced than Eric’s show. Ralph called in to ask why Eric even bothered to do the show, so Eric explained: "Just cause I want to do it." Howard also played clips of Eric’s co-hosts arguing with Eric about his desire to have one of the Bunny Ranch girls on his show and Ralph suggested that Eric just “put his wheel down” and do what he wants with his show. JEFF THE DRUNK IS THE OPPOSITE OF GOOD Jeff the Drunk came in to sing a song, and Howard laughed, "Jeff grew a beard! Why?!" Jeff said he thought it looked good, but Artie didn't agree: "No you don't. You look the direct opposite of good." Jeff went on to note that he won his all-expenses paid trip to New York City on the Game Show Network - but "all-expenses" might not cover the fine he's incurred for smoking in his non-smoking hotel room. Howard demanded to see the results of the life saving ass surgery Jeff had last year, but when Jeff took his pants down, something strange was going on. Artie laughed uncontrollably ("That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!") and Robin remarked: "It looks like Picasso painted your ass." Undaunted, Jeff then sang a version of Keith Whitley's "I Wonder If You Think of Me," creepily dedicating the effort to his first girlfriend. DRUNK AND UNGRATEFUL Gary came in to report that Jeff was trash-talking Artie on Sunday's “Miserable Men Show,” and Jeff tried to claim that the Reverend Bob Levy told him what to say. Shuli came in to dispute Jeff's account, and the drunkard eventually gave in, turning to Artie and saying: "You're afraid of the truth." Artie shot back: "The truth is that you have no ass!" howardstern.com