GOODBYE DD’S, HELLO G’S
Robin started off the show with a startling revelation about her breasts - she was sized by a professional recently and learned she was much larger than previously estimated: "I always thought I was a 36DD...she said, 'You're a G or an F.'" Howard wondered how Robin could have G-cups when she'd had breast reduction surgery, and Robin agreed: "Good lord knows. They must have been an X [before]." Ass Napkin Ed then called in to ask if Robin would send him some of her old bra’s. Robin said “No chance,” as she figured he’d either do some depraved act with them or sell them on Ebay – or both.
HOWARD'S HIRING BETH'S REPLACEMENT
Howard noted that Beth might be taking a job that requires her to be away for a month and he wasn't happy about it. Robin told Howard to calm down, but Howard ignored her, offering a job to any female listener who might want to come live with him - and take care of (all of) his needs: "I need someone to take care of me. I'm avoiding my thoughts."
Howard later speculated that Mary McCormack might want the job as she was so good at playing his wife in “Private Parts.”
VINNIE FAVALE HAS A DREAM
Howard mentioned Paul McCartney's 7-song performance outside the Ed Sullivan Theater yesterday, so Gary came in to say he was disappointed, as he recently paid $1160 for four tickets to Paul's concert at Citi Field. CBS Vice President of Late Night Television (East Coast), Vinnie Favale, called in to apologize for not telling the crew in advance: "I couldn't tell anyone. If too many people came, it would've been shut down."
Howard learned that Vinnie has poured a significant amount of his own money into a musical he'd written for Broadway and laughed that Vinnie must be delusional. Vinnie promised: "You'll see it on Broadway one day." Howard said Vinnie's wife (“Debbie, ohhh Debbie”) must be cursing to herself: "That f’ing fat motherf’er is spending our nest egg on this stupid idea." Vinnie said the project was born on his commute: "I do some of my best writing on the bus." Howard laughed: "So the bus is responsible."
ROBIN'S NEW ASSISTANT
Lisa G reported that Robin had a new assistant named Dennis. Howard explained that Dennis was actually 'Captain' Dennis - the guy usually charged with caring for Robin's yacht. Robin said she hoped Dennis would always be her captain - even if he doesn't work out as her assistant: "I told him he can never leave me as a captain no matter what happens here." Fred put the over/under of Dennis' tenure at November. Howard put $100 on the under and Artie put $100 on the over. The bet will be settled December 1st.
TOM ARNOLD MIGHT BE A DISASTER
Tom Arnold stopped by to promote his return to stand-up (he's at Caroline's in NYC all weekend long) and told the crew he was addicted to the free Klondike bars they had at Sirius. Tom noted that he recently spoke at the funeral for his late friend (and Stern show favorite) Ed McMahon: "I could never get him to badmouth anybody. Even Hitler." Howard asked if Tom was really thinking of getting married again, and Tom confirmed it: "It will be [marriage] number 4. I'll say this - I'm either a disaster or real good at it."
Prompted by Howard, Tom recounted some stories of his life with Roseanne Barr: "She's crazy. That's what she is. She's out of her f’ing mind...when she talks about politics, she sounds mentally ill." Tom laughed that Roseanne was once so hopped up on anesthesia from a facelift that she tried to personally end the LA riots: "I said no to her a lot. That was my job." Tom also showed Howard the scar he got when Roseanne stabbed him, explaining that she was once contracted to lose weight, so he took away her candy bars. She responded by shanking him.
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