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Saturday, June 28, 2008
ANAL RING TOSS WILL LISA G TOSS FOR AN INVITE? Howard asked Lisa G if she would play Lord of the Anal Rings against Artie. The prize? An invitation to the Stern-Ostrosky wedding. But if she lost, she'd have to open up about the last guy she slept with. Lisa insisted that she should be invited anyway as a reporter for the Howard100 News, but Howard shot back that, by decree, Howard100 News’ reporters were now banned from the event. Lisa was hesitant: “I just don't feel that comfortable playing Anal Ring Toss...I think it would be fun, but I'll take a pass.” MEET A.J., MISS ANAL RINGS Howard welcomed A.J. Morgan, the Anal Ring Toss girl, to the studio and noted that she had been here before - with her old (real) boobs – to play Anal Ring Toss with the Iron Sheik. AJ told the crew that she's come to love having sex with a butt plug inserted, but before she porn star Chester the Molester, she'd never even considered anal sex. Howard wondered how AJ avoided “accidents” while filming an anal scene, so she explained that she'll go get a “professional anal douche,” an hour-long multi- douche process, also known as an enema. AJ further claimed she could lactate on demand, which Howard obviously wanted to see, so AJ promptly gave Sal's coffee a couple squirts. Steve the Host of the Intern Show came in to play against Artie, so Howard gave him his terms: a win will get him a wedding invitation, but if he loses, he'll have to take ten strong whiffs of Sal's recently evacuated ass. Steve refused the terms, so Howard turned to to Will and Jason: both also declined to accept. Richard then came in and surprised no one by accepting the terms - but only if his girlfriend could come along as his date to the wedding. Howard agreed and told AJ to “prepare the playing field,” adding that AJ would announce each successful toss with a queef. THE ONE TRUE LORD OF THE ANAL RINGS Artie made 3 out of 7 tosses, but Richard quickly trumped him, making his first four tosses in a row. Howard congratulated Richard on his win – and prize – but Richard promised to go through with his punishment anyway: “I know everyone's disappointed.” Sal then bent over and Richard burrowed in with his nose and began sniffing. Richard began gagging and yelling, “Sal's flexing that hemorrhoid. It's the most vile thing I've ever seen.” AJ went in for a whiff as well, and when she got close, Sal tried to fart but went a little too far.
Monday, June 23, 2008
R.I.P. GEORGE CARLIN Howard started off the show mourning the death of George Carlin. Howard said he had to be honest: they had recently turned George down for an appearance on the show. Howard played a message that George had recently left on the show's answering machine thanking them for saying nice things about an appearance he'd made on Bill Maher's show – and apologizing for regularly appearing on Imus. Howard said George was a classy guy.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Howard noted that Sal's favorite porn was “Dr. Piss,” which confused the crew, so Sal came in to describe his favorite scene: a guy pees into a Supersoaker watergun and then sprays a girl until it's empty. Sal added that he wasn't into humiliating women - he's just into women who like submitting to humiliation. Sal continued, describing the best part of his second favorite scene: “When the lady can't breathe. When its in her eyes and wants the cameras to stop...When she has to 'tap out' almost.” SAL'S PEE-POWERED “HEALTHY VENTING” (Thurs)Howard played a clip from “Dr. Piss,” one of Sal's favorite piss-mop films, and openly doubted whether the girl in the video was even good-looking. Sal came in to say the girl in the clip was “smoking hot. She looks like Sheila E.” Sal also insisted that most guys who've seen a piss video end up liking them: “I just happen to get off slightly [on them].” Sal called the clips (and the accompanying parody songs about beating his wife) “just healthy venting.”
MON: SAL'S RAP CAREER The gang listened to a few old tracks of Sal rapping back when he called himself “Cool the Candy Rapper.” Sal came in to explain how his “manager” and the engineer who recorded the tracks scammed a bunch of money out of him with inflated production costs and promises of record label interest. Sal said he went so far as to take out a loan (co-signed by his mother) to pay for his hip-hop dream, even springing for promotional 8x10 photosThe gang listened to a few old tracks of Sal rapping back when he called himself “Cool the Candy Rapper.” Sal came in to explain how his “manager” and the engineer who recorded the tracks scammed a bunch of money out of him with inflated production costs and promises of record label interest. Sal said he went so far as to take out a loan (co-signed by his mother) to pay for his hip-hop dream, even springing for promotional 8x10 photos.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
ALANIS ON HER EX, RYAN REYNOLDS Alanis Morissette stopped by and Howard told her that the guys in the back were all excited by the hot women in her entourage. Alanis confirmed the reports: “I can't help it, I'm a magnet for them.” Howard asked Alanis about her ex, Ryan Reynolds, and Alanis diverted, noting that her music comes from one of two possible sources: love/joy or pain/anger. Howard also wondered what Alanis thought of Ryan's new girlfriend, Scarlett Johansson - or her music - but Alanis refused to comment. Howard noted that Alanis went to therapy five days a week after her breakup with Ryan, but Alanis insisted “It's not always about the guy, dude. It's about me...It takes two to tango.” Alanis went on to say she only waited “a couple months” after her breakup before having sex again. Howard asked Alanis' guitarist, David, why he didn't intervene in her relationship with “that asshole,” so David explained that he just decided to be nice and wait it out.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
THE IRREVERENT REVEREND Howard noted that Gary recently turned down the Reverend Bob Levy for an appearance on the show, as they like to space out frequent guests’ appearances, but Bob was so angered, he used his time on last night's “Miserable Men (Ferrall Fill-in) Show” to complain loudly about it. Howard backed up Gary's decision, saying the show does nothing but plug Bob's projects. Artie and Gary agreed that Bob already had more access to the show than any other comic. Tim Sabean came in to say Bob's rant was pre-meditated, and when Tim told him to re-think it, Bob ignored him. Howard then mandated that “everything” be taken away from Bob: all the Fred-read plugs at the end of the show, “The Miserable Men Show” and the roast-hosting gig. Artie asked Howard to reconsider banning Bob, but Howard refused: “No. When you say 'F’ Gary,' you're saying 'F’ Howard.' Gary's my guy.” LEVY GROVELS HIS WAY BACK IN Bob finally called in to defend himself and sounded a lot more subdued than he did on last night's show. Bob started digging himself deeper, citing specific deals he'd made with the show, and Artie tried to stop him: “You don't have to leave it like this, Bob.” Howard said, “I'm too nice a guy...I give him huge access...no one really respects me.” Bob then apologized to Gary: “I was angry at the time. If you feel like I said something wrong I apologize.”
Labels: bob levy